Scott's MD-PhD Adventure

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T12:30:00.001-06:00

The L'Amandas were working today, so we brought them some Gingerbread Cake with Pumpkin Sauce.

V&R: Hey chef!
Me (with M and S): Here is some gingerbread cake and pumpkin sauce for you.

As I was walking away...
V: Girl this pumpkin sauce is delicious! Mmm!

I come home an hour later, and run into R on the street, walking back from CVS.
R: Hey Scott! That was so good thank you so much!
Me: You're welcome!
R: I was saying to V, if you had checked out the camera, you would have seen us eatin' it and really liking it.
Me: Haha. Excellent.

*15 seconds of silence*

R: That pumpkin sauce was really off the hook!
Me: Thank you.
R: Were you at work?
Me: I had to go into school.
R: What you study?
Me: Science
R: You should be in cooking school!

*Turn down the alley*
R: Oh, you should walk over on this side of the street. People be jumping out from that side. They hide behind the garbage and try to rob you.
Me: Um, that's good to know. Thank you.

Me: So, do you both live around here or have far to travel?
R: I stay out in Oak Park, and V stays on the south side somewhere.
Me: Ah, very nice. When do you finish today?
R: 3. Every day.
Me: That's not so bad.
R: No, we can still go home and pig out!
Me: Excellent. Happy Thanksgiving!

Nuts

2009-07-20T20:37:00.003-05:00

I brought my parents a jar of Speculoos via Mike-Paris. My mother tried some and offered mini-spoonfuls to her friends on Saturday night. My dad had decided it was too late for him to eat when she did this.

Tonight, my phone rings during our dinner, but I didn't get to it in time so I called back right away...

Mom: Scott?
Me: Yes
Mom: Why are you calling me?
Me: You called me.
Mom: I know! But you didn't answer.
Me: Right, so I'm calling you back.
Mom: But I'm leaving you voicemail
Me: Ok, so, what?
Mom: I had to tell you, that thing you brought, I had some tonight on my ice cream. Boy was it good!
Me: Good
Mom: I had some non-fat chocolate ice cream, and I put some of the stuff on it. It was delicious. But you didn't tell me it has nuts in it.
Me: It doesn't
Mom: Really?! Are you sure?
Me: Yes, are you sure it wasn't a cookie chunk?
Mom: No! It was an almond
Me: Ok
Mom: Oh! Shit! I bet I had your dad's ice cream! Yes! He has chocolate almond fudge!
Me: Ok
Mom: Well, it was really good!
Me: I'm glad you enjoyed it
Mom: And, get this. Are you sitting down? Your father tried some at 6!
Me: Haha.
Mom: I said, Jer, you have to try this, it's so good!
Me: He hadn't had any?
Mom: Well, we kept opening it too late. But I told him to just taste a little bit. He said he will definitely have some on his ice cream tomorrow!
Me: Ok
Mom: That's it!
Me: I'm glad you both enjoyed it.

Fashion Advice

2009-07-18T16:56:00.006-05:00

Yesterday, I was wearing a striped polo shirt and plaid shorts. My mother asked why I was mixing patterns.

Today, I put on a navy polo shirt with light blue horizontal stripes, and solid unpatterned chocolate brown paper,denim&cloth shorts.

Dad: Is that what you're wearing tonight?
Me: Huh?
Dad: You're wearing that?
Me: Would you prefer I wore an oversized softball shirt and athletic shorts? Like you wore to a restaurant yesterday?
Dad: I'm not wearing that tonight!
Mom: Scott, I already told him what to wear tonight.

*A few minutes later*

Grandma: Scott, are you changing before tonight?!
Me: Jesus, what is wrong with this outfit? Am I missing something?
Grandma: Well, you clash more than you should. Blue and brown aren't my favorite color combination.
Me: Um, they're fine.
Grandma: Would it kill you to have a light colored shirt with those shorts, maybe something like a yellow if you have it?
Me: I think I'm good thanks.

It's getting hot in here

2009-07-18T00:53:00.002-05:00

Back in AZ, visiting parents, so have some blogworthy stuff.

Dad: *shouting over ESPN guy shouting* You can sit out here!
Me: (in the bedroom, with the ceiling fan on) It's loud. And hot.
Dad: It's not hot out here!
*30 seconds later*
Dad: Val, it's cool.
*40 seconds later*
Dad: Val, why does he think it's hot? It's not hot!
Mom: Cause he does Jer.
Dad: Is it hot? Do you think it's hot?
Mom: Well, I don't feel hot, but he does.
*1 minute later*
Dad: Scott, you can sit out here! It's not hot!

July

2009-03-18T12:43:00.002-05:00

My parents visited last July. They had a good time, and didn't complain that it was too cold.

My parents want to visit again this summer. They want to buy their plane tickets now. It's barely March. The plane tickets are expensive, and they don't want to spend a lot of money to come for a short trip. I don't want them to come for a long trip, for my sanity, which I told them somewhat nicely.

I told them in January that I thought I had a conference in Tucson, AZ in the summer, and that I could see them on that trip if I ended up going. They repeatedly ask me for details.

I found out the details yesterday: It's in mid-July, and a bit outside of Scotsdale. I sent them an email with a link to the hotel's googlemap location, the dates of the conference, and the sentence "I'm most likely going."

They wrote me back:

Hi,
Thanks for the info. We thought it was in Tucson. Why did you include a map quest to Cave Creek? (from dad only, are you considering coming, so we don't go to Chicago to drive you crazy? LOL). Not to be a pest, but let us know when you have a definite answer.
Love ya,
MOM

Dem Cookies!

2009-02-28T22:59:00.001-06:00

Been a while since last post. Oops.

So, while my residential building has no door person, in winter I walk through the long main floor to exit closer to the L, and there's a security desk at the front. Mon-Fri mornings, there are two super nice and friendly black women, who always say hello and how are you and have a good day. They're way nicer than everyone else who works there. I don't know their names.

(There was an episode of Ugly Betty when Mo'nique played the night person at the desk normally occupied by Amanda. Her name on the show was L'Amanda.)

During winter break, I was leaving to go to lab on the 24th, and asked the L'Amandas if they would be working tomorrow. "Of course!" they replied, so I said I'd bring them some cookies. Mike had made these chocolate chile cookies, and Roberta had given me some homemade rugulach, which were ok but the texture was off, imo. So I made a little plate and brought them some of each, and was greeted with "that's so nice" and "you are so sweet."

The next day I got a "who made dem cookies!" and I said "uh...uh...I made the chocolate ones and my...uh...grandmother made the others" They really liked the rugulach.
Every day for a couple weeks, I would get a "Hey chef!" or "Tell yo' granmomma I'm still thinking bout dem cookies!"

Mike and I brought them some Obama logo cookies which we made for the inauguration. They were very excited. This inspired many more morning greetings of "How you doin' Mr. chef?" and the like after the initial post-cookie day comments on how good they were.

Last monday, I brought even more cookies, cause I had made way too many butterscotch chip cookies to use them up. Tuesday I got a "Those cookies was off the...off the CHAIN! Keep on doin' what you do!" Wednesday was "Hey chef! How dem cookies doin?" Thursday, she instructed the vacuuming man to "Move out the way and let the chef through!"

Dem cookies make me happy on so many levels. :)

AN UNBELIEVABLE - AWESOME PHOTOGRAPH

2008-12-07T16:43:00.002-06:00

From: Cathy
Date: November 18, 2008 5:11:21 PM CST
To: Susie
Subject: FW: AN UNBELIEVABLE - AWESOME PHOTOGRAPH

This is a beautiful photo of a giant American flag in Arizona. The photo is authentic, UN-touched and was taken on regular Kodak 35mm film. The person who took the picture couldn't believe the image created by the suns rays.
Nice of them to share it with the world!
Read what is says under the picture....

For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us...go ahead and delete this.
For the rest of us...pass this on.

Cake

2008-12-07T16:41:00.001-06:00

From: "Maren"
Date: November 24, 2008 8:01:07 PM CST
To: "Shelly"
Subject: cake

Well, I have learned not to throw out Nate's favorite cake again! He was PISSED that I threw all but 1 piece away. :( I told him to call you. haha! Anyway, I guess next time, I will just have to learn to control myself. I feel pretty bad right now.

Stupid men!!

a blast from the past

2008-12-07T16:33:00.004-06:00

From: "Cindy (PEI)"
Date: November 30, 2008 11:30:28 AM CST
To: address @gmail.com>
Subject: a blast from the past

Steve lastname !

Hey! How are you? I couldn’t believe when Mary Carol said she was talking with you. Congrats on the job, it will be great working with you again. So, lets see, it’s been 16 years. What have you been doing with yourself? Things her are good. We still live in the condo, Chip still works at VT Yankee, Kori is now 16 and drives. Here’s a picture of us this summer. Yes, I’m plump and no, I’m not heading out to pick rice in the fields! Kori is gorgeous as you can see, and a really good kid. We are lucky, we got a good one. She is very involved in field hockey. She plays year round in a program for girls that want to play in college. She was in Palm Springs all week for a national college recruiting tournament, we pick her up in Hartford tonight. She’s goalie and the best in VT, she’s only a junior. She’s been all over the place playing. We will all be going to Disney in Feb. for another tournament. We’ve met a lot of great people and Kori is well known in NE. We are very proud parents. When ever we go anywhere when people find out who we are they always rave about Kori and how good she is. She has a very big reputation. It’s very cool. She is very driven and works hard. She’s had knee surgery twice on her meniscus and needs another one. It’s hard because she is always playing, she has no down time and she plays lacrosse in the spring too. She may have to sacrifice lacrosse and take some time off in the spring. Even though she’s a junior she has many division one schools recruiting her already, as much as they can though contact has to be limited. At this point we all like UConn best, but we will see when it gets down to the nitty gritty fall of 09. Okay, enough bragging about Kori. I’ve been working for Presence since it’s beginning here on the East coast. Love this company. I’m very happy and enjoy being on the road. I don’t know if I’d be able to sit behind a desk again. I’ve got my routine and it’s great. I see John every now and then. It’s always fun to bump into him. He never changes.

How are your parents and brother? Fill me in, I can’t wait to catch up!

Take care Steve!

Cin

To Shelly

2008-12-07T16:31:00.001-06:00

From: Maren
Date: December 7, 2008 1:20:13 PM CST
To: Missy, Shelly

Hey girls...
Just had to tell you that Nate & I saw a great horned owl in our backyard last night! We were about to let the dogs out, and it flew from our yard over to the house behind ours. (the ones with the annoying little girl who loves Sydney- haha) It was SO cool to see. I'm totally like a little kid and get so excited about stuff like that. :) I don't think I've ever seen an owl in the wild before, so I was so happy.

Hope you're all having a good day, and are enjoying the pretty snow-globe weather outside! (even if it is chilly!)

Looking forward to Thursday night! :)
M

Merry Christmas From My Mother

2008-12-07T16:29:00.001-06:00

Oy Holy Night.
She sent me this.

Parental Ignorance/Racism

2008-10-25T14:38:00.004-05:00

1. My mother early voted, and refused to tell either me or my dad whom she voted for.

2. My dad is a secret Muslim, and perhaps a terrorist. He told me that he couldn't prove he is not, and that he would get back to me on how someone could prove they are not. So until then, he is.

3. My dad allegedly saw on CNN that 95% of black people are voting for Obama just because he's black. He refuses to admit he may have misremembered this polling result.

4. My dad thinks 500 black people voting for Obama because he is black shows that they are ignorant. My dad thinks 500 white people voting for McCain because he is white isn't the same thing. "They must have other reasons."

5. My dad thinks McCain will be better for the national security, Colin Powell is weak, and he must be correct because the military supports McCain. He heard some poll that said so. In this poll, most of the military personnel support McCain, but the African-American personnel support Obama, and therefore "they're ignorant and only doing so because he's black." I asked him about the black military vote for Kerry in 2004, and he had no comment. I asked if he would admit he was wrong if I proved to him that Obama was getting the black military vote because they were Democrats, not because they're black. He seemed to agree he would admit this if I could prove it.

6. I used google. I emailed my parents.

Hi,

Your poll data is from here:
http://www.armytimes.com/news/2008/10/military_poll_100508w/

Here's an explanation of the methodology, which you have to consider when you say "The military supports McCain" I've bolded the important stuff for you.
http://www.pollster.com/blogs/the_army_vote_the_military_tim.php

Basically, it can be extrapolated from what's discussed below that there was not a shift in votes from Bush to Obama among African-Americans. This means the African-Americans supported Kerry in 2004, and are not jumping from Bush 2004 vote to Obama 2008 vote because of race.

You might also note that the African-American subset that was polled ranked "the economy" as the most important issue to them. Not "the character of the candidate" or "other/none of the above." So, the black people who are deciding how they vote are thinking Obama is going to be better for the economy, and thus their wallets. Is that the same as voting for him because he is black?

I await Dad admitting that he was wrong. :)

The Army Vote & The Military Times Surveys

By Guest Pollster

Today's Guest Pollster contribution comes from Jason Dempsey, who is an infantry officer assigned to the Army's 10th Mountain Division and the author of the forthcoming book, Our Army: Soldiers, Politics, and American Civil-Military Relations. He also has an article on the political attitudes of military personnel in the most recent issue of the The New Republic. The views presented here are his own and do not reflect the views of the U.S. Army or the Department of Defense.

While the veteran vote is not attracting as much attention as it did in 2004 it is still a salient election issue, and we could use more discussion of available data. For the most part, the most current available data is provided by the Military Times family of newspapers. [Note--does anyone know if NAES is attempting to do a focused military survey again this year?] However, the Military Times surveys have to be used for what they are: Surveys of subscribers to the Military Times papers (Army Times, Air Force Times, etc.) As such they are not representative of the entire military population. And we should note that they don't claim to be, although that is often lost in interpretations and use of the data.

Briefly, I'd like to address the methodology of the surveys and the ways in which these surveys can be useful, some trends revealed in these surveys since 2004, and some thoughts on the results of their 2008 election survey.

Methodology

First off, I think the Military Times do a good job of explaining that these surveys are not representative (see here), even if the headlines and commentary resulting from these surveys often imply otherwise. As the crowd at Pollster.com is the type that likes the fine print I think this is a great venue for discussing the potential as well as the limitations of these surveys.

The survey in the news last week was this year's election-specific survey. In September the Military Times sent e-mails to about 69,000 subscribers. (They sent original messages to about 80,000, but many came back as undeliverable. Some of this should be expected, and appropriately discounted, given the high mobility of the active-duty military community, but it is not clear how many with invalid addresses were active as opposed to being retirees or in the Guard/Reserve). From this they collected responses from 4,515 retirees, 1,515 members of the National Guard and Reserves, and 2,982 active-duty members of the military (although of these 316 were left out of analysis because they were not registered or did not intend to vote). Of the active-duty respondents, 1,543 were in the Army. I limit analysis in my research, and here, to the active Army population within the surveys as I can appropriately compare this subgroup with the overall Army population. However, I think the discussion of the representativeness of the Army subsample probably applies equally to the other active-duty groups.

As with previous Military Times surveys the respondents in 2008 were disproportionately white, male and officers. The actual Army population is about 85% male, 14% regular commissioned officers (not including Warrant Officers), and 60% white. The active-duty members of the Army who responded to the Military Times poll were 90% male, 45% regular commissioned officers, and 71% white. Furthermore, the Army's junior enlisted ranks are dramatically underrepresented in the Military Times surveys. About 47% of the Army serves in the ranks of E-1 through E-4. These ranks comprise only 6% of the active Army population included in the 2008 Military Times survey. (The samples of each of the previous Military Times surveys are nearly identical in the degree to which they represent the active military population). Bottom Line: these surveys should in no way be used to assess aggregate attitudes across the force.

However, this does not mean that the Military Times surveys aren't valuable (that is far from the case). Rather, it highlights that interpretations of the Military Times survey results have often been inappropriately extrapolated to the entire military population.

These surveys can be useful in two ways. First, they can be useful as a gauge of opinion trends. While the results of these surveys might not present an accurate estimate of overall military attitudes in a given year, over time they reflect how the opinions of a portion of the military are shifting. By extension we might assume that the rest of the military is shifting to a similar degree, even if the starting point is not the same. (See the discussion of Robert Shapiro and Ben Page on 'parallel publics' in The Rational Public).

Secondly, if we limit analysis of the survey data to senior officers then the 'subscriber bias' is likely to be minimal, in that the attitudes of senior officers in the Military Times subscriber database are likely to be similar to the attitudes of senior officers generally. Whereas a junior soldier or officer who subscribes to the Army Times is likely to have a more careerist outlook than his or her peers, in that subscribing can be interpreted as an act of dedicated interest in the profession as a whole, the difference between subscribers and non-subscribers is likely to be more muted in the senior officer ranks.

Trends: 2003 to 2007

If one assumes these surveys can be useful as a gauge of opinion trends, if not a comprehensive view of aggregate attitudes, then the Military Times surveys do tell us something about military attitudes over time. I believe we can also view them as fairly accurate portrayals of the opinions of the subset of senior Army officers. Below are the results of what I found when parsing out the opinions of active-duty Army officers in the ranks of major and above (typically 10 to 20+ years of service) from the 2003 through 2007 Military Times annual surveys.

The single datapoints reflect the results from the Citizenship & Service: 2004 Survey of Military Personnel (Completed with Bob Shapiro and support from the Institute for Social and Economic Research and Policy at Columbia University. See here). The C&S Survey included a higher number of women and minorities and the resulting data was weighted to reflect the general Army population on the dimensions of rank, race/ethnicity, and gender. Notably, the results from comparing senior officer attitudes from the C&S Survey with the attitudes of senior officers in the Military Times survey show a pretty close match.

These Military Times survey results show that support for the Republican Party among senior members of the Army, the group most likely to identify as Republican, declined significantly between 2004 and 2006 before leveling off at about 49% in 2007. Also interesting is that the data show no corresponding change in support for the Democratic Party.

Because the Military Times did not conduct these surveys before 2003 we can't assess what this means historically, but we do have data from Ole Holsti's and James Rosenau's Foreign Policy Leadership Project surveys that were conducted every four years between 1976 and 1996. Looking at this data, the military is experiencing a shift comparable to what occurred between 1976 and 1980. During that period military leaders shifted decidedly toward the Republican Party. By the end of Carter's presidency the proportion of senior military leaders who identified with the Republican Party had increased by 13%. This data show a shift of comparable magnitude--only during this administration the military has begun to shift away from the Republican Party. Over the last three years the Military Times surveys have shown a decline in Republican Party identification of 14% among active-duty Army respondents and an overall decline of 13% among senior Army officers.

Notes on 2008

Unfortunately the 2008 Military Times Election survey did not ask party affiliation. They did, however, ask respondents both who they planned to vote for during this election and who they voted for in 2004. Not exactly panel data, but this again offers an opportunity to assess shifts in attitude among survey respondents.

The primary headline to come out of the Military Times surveys was that 68% of respondents backed the Republican presidential candidate, John McCain. However, lost in the analysis was a significant shift in support for the Democratic nominee. Looking at just the subset of active-duty members of the Army in the Military Times poll, 64% of these respondents reported voting for George Bush in 2004 and 15% reported voting for John Kerry. As for the 2008 election, 66% planned to vote for McCain while 25% reported planning to vote for Barack Obama.

There are two significant points to draw from these results. The first is the 10-point uptick in support for the Democratic candidate. While not indicative of a reversal of military preferences among officers, this increase in support for the Democratic candidate signals a significant shift in military opinion and indicates that military aversion to the Democratic Party may be on the wane.

A key discussion point from initial reports on the survey was that black members of the military overwhelmingly indicated support for Barack Obama, but looking at the demographics of those who reported shifting their preference to Barack Obama in 2008 reveals that this dynamic was not driven solely by minority respondents. Of those who shifted from Bush to Obama, 95% were male and 55% were white (n=79, again, I am only looking at active-duty Army respondents). Among those who voted for neither the Republican nor Democratic candidate in 2004 but were planning to vote for Obama in 2008, 77% were male and 39% were white (n=121). This indicates that the increased support for the Democratic presidential candidate among members of the Army is due to both a shift of the Army's traditional voting block away from the Republican Party as well as an infusion of new, predominantly minority voters into the Democratic column.

The second significant point to draw from these results is that McCain has been able to hold onto military votes at a time when the Republican brand is hurting nationally. He is holding a slightly higher portion of the senior officer vote than Bush did in 2004. This is probably not indicative of a shift back to 60% Republican Party identification among senior officers, but is probably due more to his own veteran status. Among active-duty Army respondents, 73% felt that the veteran status of the candidates was important in making the decision about who to vote for (32% felt it was 'very important'. Another 41% felt it was somewhat important.) I suspect that this explains a good portion of McCain's military support and that post-election assessments of the party identification of senior officers will be closer to the 2007 figures.

Finally, however, it must also be noted that comparisons with 2004 are problematic. As outlined by Jeremy Tiegen in his analysis of the veteran vote in 2004, the Swiftboat attack ads were successful in getting otherwise Democratic voters to vote for George Bush, so 2008 may be the 'norm' although, again, McCain's strong identification as a veteran further muddles analysis. Hopefully someone will attack the data and give us an answer after the election.

For those interested enough in military attitudes and polling to have read this far there will be more analysis of the attitudes of the active-duty Army (to include the enlisted ranks) in my forthcoming book Our Army: Soldiers, Politics, and American Civil-Military Relations due from Princeton University Press in 2009.

You betcha I early voted

2008-10-18T17:59:00.002-05:00

I early voted today. Since I have until 10/30, and I had to go to lab twice today, I figured I'd swing by the Mabel Manning library for early voting while it's still bike weather.

From the name of it, and the people around outside, the library is smack dab in the middle of an African-American neighborhood. While I was parking my bike, a family was outside of their bumper stickered car taking a group picture after all having voted for Obama.

I go inside, and the two large black women inside ask me to fill out the early voting form and show ID. I get my little card and go vote for Obama and the other Dems. I threw some votes to the Green Party water commissioner candidates (why not?) and skipped all the judge recall ones. I tried to find a sample balloty thing online from ACLU or other LGBT groups, but none were up yet.

When I'm done, an Asian guy pollworker appears out of nowhere "I need your card!" before I could walk over to return it. I wave goodbye to the ladies.
"You know what! On election day you gonna be so glad you don't have to wait in long lines!"
"I know. And I hope I can go canvass for you-know-who in another state!" *wry smile*
"Ok!"
"I don't know if I can say his name in here."
"Haha! Ok! I got it!"
"Yes we can. Bye!" *thumbs up*

Outside, another family is getting out of their car, clearly all there to early vote. Someone on the street sarcastically shouts "Go Palin!" at them. "You betcha!" responds the teenage girl, with an overexaggerated wink back. They all laugh.

I love Chicago.

Market Intelligence

2008-09-28T16:27:00.002-05:00

World Market. 3:30 PM. Mike & I were in checkout lane #2. Black woman customer was in checkout lane #1 talking to Mika, the black female cashier (also spotted today at Target: Lorenzia !)

Customer: ...I just could not believe what she was saying.
Mika: Mm hmm!
Customer: Katie had asked her about the bailout, and she started talking about health care?!
Mika: Ok!
Customer: You know what?! I read the news for like an hour a day. I know more about the economy than she do!
Me (excited to jump in): She crazy!
Mika: Hahaha!
Customer: That's right! And not very intelligent. I mean I don't know everything, but I feel like I'm more intelligent than her. And people are excited about her because she's ignorant and proud of not being too intelligent.
Mike: It's just like Bush, and look how good that's been.
Mika: Yup!
Me: You know, when I go to the doctor, I always make sure I pick the one who knows the least.
Customer: Ha! For real!

I Love Bob Garfield

2008-09-22T12:37:00.003-05:00

Haven't posted in a while. Was at a wedding all weekend, and finally got to some podcasts on the way home.
If you don't listen to On The Media, you should. Usually I listen while pipetting, so it was nice to just sit and concentrate on the show. Bob Garfield and Brooke Gladstone do essentially some Daily Show style media analysis, but much more intellectual, obviously. The show covers the coverage of lipstick, economy fallout, etc. Especially with the ending of Justice Talking and Bryant Park Project, it's great to have a consistently awesome NPR podcast every weekend.
Then this morning, my RSS to Bob's AdAge column updated. Every week I'm amazed and amused by his writing. Definitely worth subscribing.
Oh, and he's responsible for ComcastMustDie too.
Therefore, I <3 Bob Garfield. :)

Aunt Ruthye's Trip

2008-08-15T11:00:00.003-05:00

Damn my gmail address! All because I got first initial, last name in gmail beta like 6 years ago. Now I suffer where every Jewish non-relative of mine sends me their crap.

From: Aunt Ruthye's AOL address
Subject: Trip Update
Date: August 15, 2008 10:40:07 AM CDT
Hi Everyone!
We have so far travelled to the France Alps which were amazing and crossed the border into Switzerland by foot. The weather has been mixed with sun as well as rain. The towns we have stayed in have been very quaint and there are so many beautiful flowers everywhere. The scenery is so beautiful it almost seems unreal! There are 8 people in our group. Ironically one woman is from NY and is not only Jewish but keeps kosher also. So we plan to say kiddish tonight. I hope everyone is doing well. Have a good shabbat. We miss everyone.
Love,
Ruthye/ Aunt Ruthye

Sent from my iPod

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

2008-08-14T15:10:00.004-05:00

Yes, it's that time again. The start of the academic year. There is clearly a war going on, and every single office is doing its best to win.

Who: Indian students
Goal: To get a job
Armed with: Their résumé and and a persistent attitude
Catchphrase: "Do you have job for me?"

Vs.

Who: Every single office
Goal: To not have to talk to a single Indian guy who bothers them
Armed with: A sign reading "We have NO graduate assistant positions available"
Catchphrase: "Did you read the sign?!?"

By the ubiquitous nature of the signs, the offices are winning. The Indian guys are not gonna go down without a fight though. Two have stopped me in the hallway to ask who I work for/where I work. One of them even tried to follow me. Our lab has no sign, mostly for my amusement and we're off the beaten path anyway. I've seen them studying department directories, walking around reading doors and making the "Gohhh!" Antiques on the Roadshow face/noise. Yes I've been caught in the crossfire. The not-so-deodorized crossfire. So far I've come out alive.

(Original stolen from here)

This is great

2008-07-20T23:24:00.001-05:00

My dad requested we watch The Queens of Comedy after discussing yesterday how we both like black comedians.

10:07
Dad: How come there's no white people in the audience!

10:14
Dad: We've seen her before. On Def Comedy Jam. She and Precious. She's a riot

10:20
Dad: Scott How old is this tape? Cause I recognize the old Cadillacs

10:29 *Adele ends*
Dad: She was great!

10:30 *Sommore walks out*
Dad: Doesn't she look like Lena Horne?
Mom: Yeah. Have we seen her?
Dad: Yeah, on Def Comedy Jam. She's a trip!

10:52 *Sommore ends*
Dad: One more left, right?
Me: yes
Dad: The big one? This is great.
Dad: Are you kidding. I love this shit! I could listen to this all night!

10:53 *scene of the Queens in the general store*
Dad: The white lady in the back, she has no idea what's going on. She's scared. She's shaking. That's funny. Val! There's a white lady. She's shaking!

10:54
Miss Laura: What can I say about this sister except she's the sweetest, craziest girl I know?!
Dad: She is!
Miss Laura: Welcome, Queen Mo'nique
Mom: Everybody's name is Queen?
Dad: She's great!
Mom: You know her?
Dad: I've seen her before. She is the best.

10:56
Dad: Val you ok? You falling asleep?
Mom: No, not at all
Dad: Yeah right! This is great!

11:02
Mo'nique: A white bitch knows when to shut up, and say say "Peter...I'm sorry"
Dad: Peter?!

11:03
Dad: Hey Val! Can you see anyone in [our neighborhood] watching this show? Huh? Nobody!

11:07 *Interstate BBQ*
Dad: What is that shit? Is that ham?
Mom: Bologna!

11:16 *Mo'nique mentions butt fucking*
Dad: *turns back and looks at me 3 times. says nothing*

11:19 *Mo'nique discusses rimming*
Dad: Hear that Val?!

11:21 *Mo'nique ends*
Dad: She's the best. She is great! You gonna go get ready for bed Val?

11:24 *DVD ends*
That's it huh? I'm tired. I'm going to bed. I'm wiped. It's late. That's it! Time to go night night.

You live in a different world

2008-07-20T14:48:00.001-05:00

We decided to go do the Wicked ticket lottery for rush seats. On sundays, the lottery is at 12 at Borders for a 2pm show. We arrive at the 3rd floor at 11:40 and see the box for the drawing but no blank forms.

11:40
Dad: Where are the tickets?
Me: I don't know. We probably have to get some from a person.
Dad: How do you know that!
Me: I figured it out.
Dad: Do you know that?
Me: *to person filling one out* Hey, where'd you get the entry form?
Person: There's a guy who was working at that desk. He had them
Me: Oh, ok.

11:41
Dad: So where's the guy?
Me: Maybe helping someone else. He'll come back.

11:42
Dad: Where the hell is he?!
Me: Calm down
Dad: I'm gonna go look for him
Me: I don't think that's necessary. Have some patience
Dad: The guy should be here. I wanna go look.
Me: Just relax
Mom: Scott, your dad wants to look
Me: It's unnecessary

11:43
Dad: I'm going to find him!
Me: Just have patience. The drawing isn't for 17 minutes
Mom: He doesn't have any. *giggle*
Me: I know. It's unfortunate
Dad: I'm leaving

11:46 - he returns with Borders employee
Dad: See! I got a person!
Me: He would have come back up here anyway.
Dad: No, I asked him why he wasn't up here. He sez the girl who's supposed to work on the 2nd floor didn't come in today, so he's working both floors.
Me: That's irrelevant
Dad: It's not irrelevant! He was gonna stay down there!
Me: Why would he have stayed down there?! He had all the entry forms. He was eventually going to come back up.
Dad: No he wasn't. He said he had to work 2 floors.
Mom: Jer, Scott, it doesn't matter any more.
Dad: See I was right! I got the man.
Me: It doesn't matter that you got him. Eventually he would have come up.
Dad: You don't know that!

12:00 - Box Office woman runs the lottery. Ticket guy pulls the names from the hat.
12:07 - Mike's name gets called. They get to go see the show. We get tickets and take the bus home for them to change.

12:50
Dad: I'm gonna say something...and Scott is gonna disagree. I think I did a great thing getting the guy.
Me: No. You didn't. You did an impatient thing.
Dad: Scott! He wasn't coming up! The girl didn't come in
Me: That doesn't matter
Dad: Excuse me! What he said was, the girl who was supposed to work on the 2nd floor did not come in today. That meant he had to work both floors.
Me: Who pulled the tickets from the box?
Dad: Huh?
Me: Who pulled the tickets from the box to select the winners?
Dad: What's that go to do with anything!
Me: Didn't the person who pulled the tickets have to come upstairs
Dad: So!
Me: So if he had to come up anyway, eventually he would have arrived if you were more patient.
Dad: How were we gonna put our thing in the box?
Me: Clearly there would have been enough people gathered over 15 minutes if he came up too late that they would wait till everyone put their entry in before picking names
Dad: I think I did the right thing. I'm from the streets. I know what I'm doing. You live in a different world.
Me: Whatever.

More Parents: Sarcasm and "Sez"es

2008-07-19T23:39:00.002-05:00

Another morning of discussing what to do while eating. My dad is served 10 oz of coffee in a 12 oz cup.
Dad: This isn't very much coffee!
Mike: Do you need a smaller cup so it looks fuller?
Mom: *giggle*
Dad: Val maybe we can go to that shoe store.
Mom: Which one?
Dad: The fleet feet.
Mom: I'm not going to the fleet feet.
Dad: Different parts of the country have different shoes. They have different shoes. Even the Kmarts have different kinds of shoes, different sizes, for the widths. Hey Mike, do you have a sports chalet? What about a sports authority?
Mike: I don't know. It probably doesn't matter.
Dad: Your feet are totally different in Arizona than they are here!
Us: Oy. Ok.
Dad: Can you accept that? OK question: They even tell you when you buy shoes, you should buy shoes in the evening because your feet swell. In different humidity. The humidity can make your foot swell.

Dad: Val you have 37 messages here. In your email you have 37 messages.
Val: (from kitchen) OK Jerry I'll do it later. I'll do the email.
Dad: 37 messages you're going to delete all of them.
A few minutes later she went over near him and tried to open the blinds. Although she failed at this, she was near the computer.
Dad: Val you have 37 messages. You're going to delete all of them except the one from Sal.
She gave in and looked at the computer.

After eating fried potatoes, and eggs, and a bagel, we offered some cinnamon snack cake made partly with coconut flour.
Mom: It's good though you can kinda taste the coconut in the thing.
Dad: It's heavy. Boy is that heavy. It is heavy.

Mike informs them that at some point Ina&Kevin may come over for dinner another day...
Dad: She can see what a picky eater I am!
Mike: She has met you before. She has observed you not eating.
Dad: And dinner is going to be between 5 and 6?
Mike: What was promised to you before you got here?
Dad: No I just want to make sure because I want to go to the health club and work out, and make sure it's an hour and a half before I eat.
Dad: Is Jack up? I think I'll call Jack and see if he's up. Val, I'll use that [the toothbrush] when you're done.

My dad had gone to the FFC and asked about getting a "I'm from out of town, can I work out here?" pass. The guy apparently asked if he had gotten this pass before.
Dad: I went to the health club the guy sez to me have you been here before. So I sez to him let's see, you've got the chest machine in that corner over there. The balls are over there. The other machine is over there. He sez how do you know. I sez I come here every year.

We managed to get them rush tickets to Jersey Boys for tonight. Its theater is about a 10 or 15 minute walk, but it's easy enough to just take a bus up Dearborn from the stop about 100 yards from our front door.
Dad: Where is there a bus stop?
Me: In front of Hackney's. You remember where Hackney's is, right?
Dad: Yes of course I know where hackneys is. We ate there with Mike's parents.
Me: That is correct.
Dad: There's no bus stop there. On the side street.
Me: Hackney's is on dearborn and there is a bus stop right in front of it.
Dad: No there is not! There is no bus stop there I have been there! *points in exactly the opposite direction*
Dad: It's right there! We walked in, sat at the bar while we waited, and then sat in the third to the last table. It's right there, we were there. The entrance is on a side street.
Me: I don't remember or care where we sat. The entrance is on Dearborn. I don't think there's one in the back, on Plymouth. There is a bus stop, on dearborn, at which several buses stop before heading north on Dearborn.
Dad: No. I was there. Last year. There is no bus stop.
Me: So what I'm hearing is, I, the person living here, am telling you about where a bus stop is. And what I'm hearing from you, someone who does not live here, is arguing about whether there's a bus stop and where it is, and pointing in the opposite direction instead of "ok thanks."
Dad: There's no bus stop I was there.

They decided to invent a cost of the rush tickets for my grandmother, so she wouldn't get upset if they spend $25/ticket. We all had to be in on the lie.
Dad: So what's the story for your mother in case she asks me.
Mom: They had like a drawing and we won it so we were able to get the $10 tickets in the back of the orchestra section
Dad: You know what she'll say to you: so much?

And now, a collection of random "conversations" from the past 2 days - they typically came from out of nowhere.

Dad: I saw on ESPN there's a lady 41 years old she's in the olympics, she's 41 years old. She takes her own chiropractor with her.
Mom: Oh really you saw this on the news?
Dad: Yeah, a lot of them do that. They take their own chiropractors because it stretches your muscles.

Dad: My calf is really sore. MM! HM!

Dad: Do you know there was a big fight on the View?
Me: You watch The View?
Dad: I like a good fight.
Me: And who do you side with?
Dad: I like Elizabeth
Me: Of course you do.
Dad: No! someone sent a video of the fight.
They watch - engrossed,entranced - a youtube video of the view with Whoopi Goldberg arguing with Elizabeth about who can and cannot, should and should not say the N word.
Dad: I happen to agrees with her [Elizabeth]!
Me: Why?
Dad: She's very smart. She's right.

Dad: Val, Diane sent an email at midnight.
Mom: Ha!
Dad: Open it up, I'm dying to see her email.
*Sits down*
Dad: Ow! ow! ow!
*gets up*
Mom: She says she went to the doctor and had a stress test. Scott do you know what a Thalium stress test is? What does it look for?
Me: Do you know what a stress test is for?
Mom: They look at your heart?
Me: And how do they stress you?
Mom: Well, you can go on a treadmill
Me: Right...
Mom: Or, they can ...give you some kind of chemical!
Me: *coy* Could that chemical be called Thalium?
Mom: Ohhhhhhh! So the results tell about the heart?
Me: That's what we all figured out together.
Mom: This friend of ours the one I bought the mug for, all of a sudden she had terrible chest pains she felt like an elephant was sitting on her chest. They kept her overnight...
Dad: Where are my socks Val?!? Where are my socks?
Mom: ...and then they let her out the next day. And then they said she should have another test, on tuesday and wednesday, and now she got the results.
Dad: Anything else in the mail?
Mom: The next appointment is for her legs and they want to rule out a blockage in the veins. But her legs are in bad shape for her legs. Should I reply back?
Dad: Yeah! Tell her that I ate at Nathan's! Stan will hate that!
Mom: It's so funny typing on yours because it's not as deep as mine, the letters. It's weird.

Dad: You must have a big Puerto Rican section here in Chicago, right? Because this is a Puerto Rican parade. Here. Where is the Puerto Rican section?
Me: If I told you it wouldn't mean anything to you.
Dad: That's fine.
Me: Humboldt Park.
Dad: When I get back I'm going to ask the guys from Chicago where that is.
Mike: You wouldn't prefer to look at a map?
Dad: I'm going to ask the guys from Chicago where it is.
*The channel was then changed to ESPN*

Dad: You know the new batman movie Dark Knight? People just paid $180 a ticket to see it. We should go see that tonight.

Dad: We saw several hookers last night. Walking home.
Me: Stop!
Dad: What? They were hookers!
Me: You lost all credibility when you thought the black women from the Greek restaurant were hookers, sitting at the bar.
Dad: I didn't say the women at the bar were hookers.
Me: You said the ones there were
Dad: No! I said the 3 at the front?
Me: They were not hookers. They were sitting on chairs in the entrance waiting to be seated. They were professional African-American women who were going to dinner after work.
Dad: They were hookers!
Me: Ok, whatever, but since that is what you think hookers are, I don't care whether you saw alleged hookers walking home.
Dad: Scott, I saw hookers walking home tonight.
Me: Fine! it doesn't matter!

Me: So, want to go see Chris Rock?
Dad: I like Chris Rock. He's great!
Me: Really?
Dad: I love watching black comedians. Do you know [multiple names listed]? He swears! It's great
Me: Not really.
Dad: Higley? DJ Higley? You like DJ Higley? Who's the other one Val? Who's the other one? You remember him Val? He had his own special? He was great on the black comedy show but on his own show he was horrible!
Me: D.L. Hughley?
Dad: Yeah him. And Martin Lawrence. They're great.

Dad: Scott! Is there anywhere I can go to get a gatorade after the gym?
Me: When we went by the gym yesterday and you asked about your pass, did we also go to a grocery store?
Dad: No!
Me: Are you sure we didn't go to Jewel?
Dad: I didn't go by a Jewels!
Me: We went to the gym and Jewel which are right next to each other
Mom: Jer, remember yesterday when we went to get the passes. We went in the Jewel Osco.
Dad: The grocery store isn't on the way to the gym!
Me: I never said it was.
Dad: I asked what I can go to on the way. Forget it! I'll get a power drink. I'll get a smoothie. They're only $2. I'll get one.

Mom: Scott, your shoes are matching again today
Me: What?
Mom: I said to your dad yesterday how you were wearing brown shoes and your clothes had brown in them. Today you are wearing clothes with black in them and your black shoes.
Me: I'm not a savage!
Dad: What?
Me: I'm not an animal
Dad: I didn't call you an animal!
Me: I didn't say you did. I said I'm not one
Mom: Why are you saying that?
Me: Never mind, our senses of humors are not compatible
Dad: HUH!?!!
Me: You made a "joke" earlier about asking a store with an Obama sticker in the window if they had any McCain stickers. I didn't laugh. Now I'm making a joke, and you are unaware of its humor.
Dad: What joke?!?
Me: You were commenting on how I dress well, and I responded with 'Well I'm not an animal!'
Mom: Animals don't dress well!
Me: Ohmygod. Never. Mind.

Rest of Day: I've got some news for you!

2008-07-18T00:29:00.005-05:00

We go walk around downtown, get an ink cartridge refill, and lunch.

Walking back...
Dad: I got news for ya. It's more muggy now than it was this morning.
Us: How is that news?
Dad: It's humid!
Us: That's not news.
Dad: Val! It's a lot more humid here than it is in Arizona. Even than it was this morning.
Us: Um, ok.

We return and install the printer cartridge
Mom: Jer, now we will be able to print our boarding passes
Dad: Good! I like to get my seat.
Mike: Don't you like the back?
Dad: Yeah
Me: And the window?
Dad: Yeah
Us: Those are not desirable. Nobody wants to sit there. You have no reason to be in the A group and board early.
Dad: I like to sit there.
Me: So, why do you like the back?
Dad: I'm comfortable there!
Me: But why do you like it? How is it comfortable?
Dad: I like the back. I just like...Do you like the front?
Me: Yeah
Dad: Why do you like the front! Ha!
Me: So I can get off first. But...that doesn't answer why you like the back.
Dad: Let's just say...I know two pilots who used to fly for America West. And they said, if you have to land without wheels, or do a crash landing, it is better to be in the back of the plane.
Me: So it has nothing to do with your comfort?
Dad: It's comfortable back there!
Me: What? The chances of that are so small. Why don't you just sit in an exit row so you can get out first?
Dad: A what?
Mom: Jer, the row where you have to help people get out.
Dad: I don't want that! It's too squished!
Me: Just saying. It's silly to alter behavior from something with a very poor chance.

Dad looks at a random Pride magazine we have lying around.
Dad: You ever been to Hamburger Mary's?
Me: Unfortunately
Dad: Is it any good?
Me: You don't want to go there
Dad: Are their burgers good?
Me: Nobody goes there for the burgers. Do you know what you're looking at?
Dad: Yes!
Me: It's just a hangout place that happens to serve food.
Dad: I should ask Danny if he's ever been to Midnight Mary's!

Meanwhile, my dad's had knee problems, which are relatively more believeable than most of his psychosomatic bodily illusions. We would expect that walking around in a city is a bit much for anyone used to the Sun City Grand lifestyle – but he needed to make a production of placing ice on his joints. This required 3 towels and a few ice cubes.
Dad: Val! I got an idea! Make me a can!
Mom: Well, we can do that for tomorrow. Scott, do you have, like, an empty soup can? So we can fill it with water and put it in the freezer. Then it's ice for Dad's knee, he likes to do that…
Dad: It gets done faster!
Me: No, you know we just took care of all the recycling yesterday.
Dad: Let's just buy a can of soup and throw it away! Use the can!

He returns to his current ice-bag-and-towel situation. Pat. Adjust. Pat. Grunt. The TV is on.
Dad: Can you imagine wearing one of those black burqas all day!? In the heat?! A black burqa! 103!
Me: Ha!
Dad: Why is that funny?
Me: It's funny that you're commenting on it and imagining it.
Dad: It's hot!

Post-ice, we're off to the Spertus Jewish Museum. He's ok looking at maps and stuff, although he usually gives up after about 10 minutes and sits. This time he looked out the window.
Dad: Do you have an aquarium?
Me: Yes, that's it over there.
Dad: I love to look at the fishes!

We go to the library section, where he mostly entertains himself with "The Encyclopedia of Jews in Sports" My mother reads like Jewish Woman or some magazine.
Dad: Val! They have a Jewish bullfighter!
Mom: Have you ever heard of Amy Winehouse?
Me: Yes
Mom: Did you know she's Jewish?
Me: No surprise
Mom: Have you heard her sing?
Me: Ha. Of course
Mom: Jer, have you heard of Amy Winehouse?
Dad: She's a screwball!

Upon finishing, we go outside to wait for Mike who did not come to the museum. Complicated plans involved Mike biking to get them a CTA visitor pass and bring it to us, biking to the restaurant while we bussed, and biking home post-restaurant to get wine & refrigerated dessert to eat out at Millenium Park free concert.
Dad: So Mike is gonna meet us here?
Me (annoyed already, by the blatantly obviousness): Yes
Dad: And then we're going to the restaurant?
Me: Yes
Dad: And we're taking a bus or a train?
Me: It doesn't matter, but a bus.
Dad: How is Mike getting here?
Me: It doesn't matter!
Dad: He said he was gonna bike. Is he gonna bike?
Me: Ohmygod! Stop!
Dad: What? It's a simple question! I just asked if he's riding his bike.
Me: I know, it doesn't matter.
Mom: Scott, your dad just asked a basic question! Geez!
Me: It's not the quality, it's the quantity, please just ask one of every four questions that pops into your head.
Dad (to mom): *laughing* He's crazy!
Mom: *laughing* Scott, you're hard to talk to.
*girl with many tattoos walks by*
Dad: Look at her! I wonder if she came from a tattoo farm?

We eventually get on the bus to dinner (it's 5:00). He comments every so often.
Dad: This is an amazing city!
Dad: So many people!
Dad: Val, I've seen more people today than I've seen all year!

We get to the restaurant and are seated.
Dad: This is the same table we sat at last year!
Us: Ok.
I order the gyros.
Dad: That's not what you got last year.
Me: Ok. I know.
Dad: What'd you get last year?
Me: Maybe the Pastitsio
Dad: What's that?
Me: A macaroni thing.
Dad: But you got those jeye-roes 2 years ago! We sat over there by the fireplace!
Us: Ok.
Dad: See! I remember!

We take the bus back to Millenium Park. They immediately decide it's too loud and go sit in the back on a bench, where the speakers are hanging right over them and it's basically just as loud. They decide it's not because they're at the back. We drink a lot of wine and hang with friends. After I bus & walk home with them while Mike bikes. We walk by the Hilton Chicago valet driveway thing...
Dad: Look at the cars in here! Val! 60! 75! 30! So much money in there!

Back at home, we watch the new Project Runway.
Dad: You like this?
Me: You like wrestling?
Dad: I like South Park better than either one.

They check their email and go to bed. I spend 2 hours working on all this. :P

The Morning: Abs etc.

2008-07-18T00:01:00.004-05:00

Today we woke up to my mother on the phone...

Mom (on the phone with her mother, Goldie): Mike made a bread, it was like a bread, it was made in the oven—
Dad (interrupts with a typical out-of-nowhere sort of statement): It's very humid out. It's horrible. The minute I went outside I was soaking wet. I went to Manny's. Delicious.
Mom: —coconut flour. Interesting cause we were talking about how you get flour from a coconut, but it was made of like hummus flour, like hummus, from chickpeas. Chickpeas flour.

Meanwhile, Dad starts using my Macbook.
Dad: This is nothing like our computer! I'm just not used to his computer! It doesn't make sense! It doesn't make any sense! It's too different. I don't understand this computer. It doesn't make any sense.
Mom: Jerry, that's because we don't have our passwords stored! Remember that time we went to the library in another city, and I had to type in a password. It's like that.
Dad (after basically ignoring her): It says here one of them died in the red line. Where's the red line. [In contrast to uptalk, in which statements sound like questions, my dad speaks in questions that sound like statements.]
Scott: You've been on the red line.
Dad: Where?
Scott: It goes north and south.
A few minutes later...
Dad: Let me ask you a question. What do you think of Jesse Jackson? Of the things jesse jackson said.
Scott: That it's irrelevant to either candidate's policy positions.

Once computer time was over, it was TV time.
Mike comment: "The TV, perhaps through inadvertent button-pushing, somehow got moved from Fox News to probably an adjacent channel, which seemed to be showing infomercials, those tragic long-form gems. Mind you, it's about 9 in the morning, and these are things meant to be viewed between 3 and 5 AM, if at all, but someone (guess who!) had to entertain himself with the television. The transcript has pauses of up to 60 seconds between sentences; no one else is paying any attention to the television."
Dad: There's a new ab machine!
Dad: I wonder how much this one is *snaps fingers*.
Dad: Your club should get this, Val.
Dad: They have two! Those two are a waste of money! Nobody uses that. I asked at the club. The other one they put behind the bench because nobody uses it.
Mom: There's a few people that use it, because I see, you have to sign up for it, I see the paper.
*Bathroom break for Mom, Mom returns*
Mom: You know what I just noticed today, the photos behind the door, in the bathrooom, you know there are two things. That's the pictures of our pool! Where it says 0 feet!
Dad (ignoring her, again): Val is this the machine that they have at our club? Is that it?
Mom: Yes! That's it! A-B coaster!
Mom: Oh that's it, I can't believe it
Dad: See you're supposed to pull with your stomach.
Mom: I'm gonna try it. We should try it. How much is it? But yours doesn't have that pad where her elbows are.
Dad: Yes it does it's the same thing.
Mom: Think i'll go try it.
Dad: If you try it, right next to it on the counter, there's a clipboard, you put your name and the time you're going on it. I don't see why it matters for that.

The "Ab Coaster" infomercial remains on but Dad has lost interest.
Dad: It's only 8:20 in Arizona. Let's see if Danny's home, see if he played [softball].
Mom: Oh ask if he got his computer fixed. It was broken and he was going to get it fixed.
Dad: They're gonna take it to Best Buy. Danny said they have geeks there
Dad: [on the phone with 'Danny']: It's very humid here. Is it going to rain there?
His phone conversation with his 'friend' ends and he relates something about fixing the surely malware-infected computer and Best Buy.
Dad: They can afford anything they want… even though they have no money.

Minutes (felt like 20, probably 5) later, the Ab coaster commercial still droning on...
Dad: I wonder how much this thing costs. Gotta be three or four hundred dollars.

He also got "a paper" when he went out to Manny's.
Mom: Do you want to read the paper?
Me: No, I'm sure I already read things online that are actually relevant.
Mom: Do you have a special place to recycle the paper? Or do you throw it in the trash?
Me: Yes
Mom: You have a place?
Me: Why did you ask two questions in a row with opposite answers?
Mom: Scott! What are you talking about?
Me: Gimme the paper and I'll recycle it.
Me: This is a fucking The USA Today paper.
Mom: So?
Me: This is a horrible paper.
Mom: Your dad likes the sports?
Me: For the stupid infographics?
Mom: What?
Me: See this in the corner (link unavailable so far)? It's a stupid thing that says "Do executives want a cover letter with a résumé? Yes 86% No 14%"
Mom: That's funny.
Me: No! It's horrible! Who cares? Why is the graphic so ugly, over a stupid fake letter. And it's a pie chart! And you can barely see it.
Mom: Oh who cares
Me: And do you think this is reliable?! Source: OfficeTeam survey of 150 senior executives.

While I continue to laugh at the The USA Today, she reads the lifestyle section
Mom: Jer! Robin Williams is gonna be in a new movie. He's gonna play a guy whose son dies from auto-er-rote-i-cis-m.
Dad: That's nice.
Mom: Scott, have you ever done a su-du-ko?
Me: Nope. But I have done sudoku.
Mom: They intimidate me. I don't like numbers. I like crosswords.

Oh this is funny!

2008-07-17T00:09:00.006-05:00

My parents get their own switched user on my macbook where I put bookmarks of their sites.

Dad: Can I get my Celtics?

Me: I set up a bookmark for you already. Click the one that says Celtics.

Dad: There's nothing that says Celtics.

Me: Look closer.

Dad: Oh there it is! Val! They lost Posey!

...

Dad: How do I change the thing?

Me: Do you mean you want to go to a different webpage?

Dad: I want to check senior softball

Me: Do you see something already prepared for you that says Senior Softball?

Dad: Let's see...yeah!

...

Mom: Scott, this computer is so different!

Me: Um, how?

Mom: Oh this is funny...what a funny screen!

They discovered our new Chiasso rug.

Mom: Wow! This rug is nice!

Us: Thanks

Dad: Is it wool?

Me: No. Mike: Yes!

Dad: It's wool?

Me: No. Mike: Of course

Dad: I'm allergic to wool.

Me: Mike, he's allergic to wool. Now that he knows it's wool, he's going to be allergic to it.

Mom: Jer, it's on the floor

Mike: My rug is also allergic to dirt, so please take your shoes off.

...

Dad: *whispers* Ask him!

Mom: Scott, do you think we could maybe put something on the rug under the bed? Or fold the rug over?

Me: Why?

Mom: Your dad is concerned about his allergies

Dad: I don't wanna have problems!

Mom: Maybe if we fold it so the wool isn't facing up.

Me: You're sleeping on a mattress on a rug. I think it'll be fine. Let's try a night and see.

Eating dinner, we explain someone is coming to pick up the couch we were selling online.

Mom: So someone is coming to get it?

Mike: Yup

Mom: Did you sell it on craigslist?

Mike: Yup

Me: What? You know what that is?

Mom: Ha! I name-dropped it cause I thought you'd be proud of me!

Me: I am.

Mom: *giggles*

Me: Aren't you proud of yourself that you know more about the internet than John McCain?

Mom: Haha

Me: Isn't that sad...that you know more about the internet than John McCain?

Dad: Let's not talk about politics!

Me: That's fine. I'm done

Dad: We should not talk about politics

Me: I'm not

Dad: Listen, I could say some things about Obama

Mom: Jerry! stop!

Me: We're not talking about it.

We also informed them about our exciting grocery store trip in our new IGO Car.

Me: We're going to the store at 8:30

Mom: Why such a specific time?

Me: We're driving

Dad: You don't own a car!

Me: I know. We signed up for a carshare

Mom: What's...

Dad: How much!

Mom: that?

Me: It's like a timeshare...but for a car. $25 a year

Dad: Can you get a good one?

Mom: Where do you get it?

Me: It's nearby, and you can pick which one you want from what's in the spots.

...

Me: So this is it

Dad: How much is it for the hour?

Me: Like $6

Dad: That's not so bad! Val! This is wild. I wish we had one of these

Mom: Is there an attendant?

Us: Huh?

Mom: Is there someone to check when you take it in and out?

Me: No. These are just 2 spots with 2 cars from the company.

Dad: Let's go Val! We have to be back by 9:30 so they don't get overcharged.

Mom: If you bring it back early will you get any money back?

Me: No. Not at all.

Finally, back home, even though we now use a projector + mythtv, we set up the regular tv for him to use and gave him the remote for it.

Dad: How do I work this?

Mike: Like a regular remote control. It's a remote control.

Dad: Where's the power button?

Me: The TV is on

Dad: Where's the power button?

Me: Don't you wanna change the channel? We left the TV on for you.

Dad: Where's the power button!! I want to try turning it on and off

Me: Why?

Mike: At the top. It says power.

Dad: I can't see it! I don't have my glasses!

Me: That's not my fault

Dad: Let's see if I can remember the channel numbers. Hmm...

Mom: What number is your thing where I can see all of the channel listings?

Me: The TV guide channel is 96

Dad: Val, tell me which is foxnews

Me: It's in the late 50s or so

Dad: Val, I can't see I don't have my glasses

Mom: Ok I'm looking.

Me: It's in the late 50s.

*scrolling on screen, slowly*

Mom: Jer, I don't see it

Me: For the third time, it's in the late 50s.

Mom: I didn't see it

Dad: *goes to 50* 50! 51! 52!...60! It's on 60!

Me: I said that

Dad: That's not the late 50s!

Me: OMG. Just watch it and be quiet please.

While he entertained himself, we showed my mother how to use the French Press so they can have coffee in the morning.

The GAME

2008-07-13T23:58:00.004-05:00

We took the redline home when Mike got a flat. At the Chicago stop, a fabulous black woman got on with a large font "Bad Boyfriend" on the front of her shirt. She was on the phone.

FBW: Mm hmm. My kids are in summer SCHOOL.

...

FBW: I ain't gon' get down there till bout ten o' CLOCK.

...

FBW: I know but I need my license! Yes! Girl I need something new in my wardrobe. I might have a sexy BRA but that's it.

...

FBW: *looks at phone* (which reads "Unregistered No.") I gotta go! My momma calling.

I'll fill in what mom probably said...

{Mom: Are you somewhere where other people can hear you?}

FBW: The WHOLE PUBLIC can hear me on the train! Yes I said the whole public can hear me ON THE TRAIN.

...

{Mom: Are you still seeing that guy?}

FBW: That's why he need a BIGGER place. Yes a bigger place.

...

{Mom: So...you're still seeing him? What's it gonna take?}

FBW: Mm hmm he need to work on his GAME. He can't be coming round here intoxicated. Needs to work on his GAME!

Sadly, we had to get off the L.

Capris Pre Parent

2008-07-13T14:13:00.003-05:00

My parents are visiting July 16-21. Today I got to answer any pre-visit questions they had.

Mom: Do you think it may be chilly at night?

Me: It may, at like 11pm, be down to 62 when there's wind.

Dad: That's cold!

Mom: I'm going to bring a light jacket for me, and maybe a long sleeve shirt for your father

Me: Ok

Mom: I usually wear, do you know, for ladies, capris pants are?

Me: Yes

Dad: How far are you from the north side?

Me: Where on the north side?

Dad: I don't know. The north side!

Me: 2 to 20 miles. Why?

Dad: I may go play softball with this guy. He said he'd pick me up.

Mom: Jerry! We're there to see Scott!

Dad: I can play ball. He won't be awake anyway? Scott what are you doing friday morning?

Me: What? I don't know? Where is this place?

Dad: Mount Prospect Heights

Me: That's in the suburbs

Mom: Jerry, that's far!

Dad: He said he'd pick me up!

Me: Whatever

Mom: Jer, you don't need to play ball.

Dad: We'll see.

Me: I don't care.

Dad: What's your air set at?

Me: 76

Dad: That's cold!

Mom: Jer, they figured out what's good for them

Dad: We tried 76, it's too cold

Mom: We keep our place at 79, 80

Dad: We had people over and turned it down to 76. I was freezing

Mom: Jer, their place may be different

Me: We have a lot of sun

Dad: Val! If my nose is bad, I may need them to turn it up to 77 or 78

Mom: We'll see how it is

Dad: I'm just saying this now so we don't have to argue

Me: I'm not promising you now that I'll change the temperature. Don't sit by the vent.

The Game

2008-07-11T17:33:00.003-05:00

Whole Foods. St. Louis. Last Sunday. Black female cashier in lane #6. I notice a tattoo across her chest.

Me: Oooh what does your tattoo mean?

Cashier: Latai 'ja (lah-tay-jah)! It's my daughter name!

Sucking & Falling

2008-07-09T10:06:00.004-05:00

Our a/c people are here to fix the new unit they put in. The air filter (16 x 20) was too small for its rest (17x22 ish) so it would get lifted up when the unit came on, and then fall down. They also checked the refrigerant cause it seemed it wasn't cooling right.

I explain the problem to them...

Guy 1: I'm gonna take care of yous.

Me: Great

Guy 1: So I could put something right in the middle here

Me: No, it just needs some sort of bracket on the sides to hold it in? Because we have to be able to change it.

Guy 1: Ah I see what yous are saying. Ok. Do you think we could give you a custom filter you could clean?

Me: Um, we get this really high quality one...

Guy 1: Ok yeah yous like this kind. Well sir, we'll see what we can do. We're gonna take care of yous.

Guy 1: Can you get my 1/4 bit?

Guy 2: It's not here. I only got some strippies.

Guy 1: Look, here's there problem. It's sucking and falling.

Guy 2: Well let's keep it from falling

Guy 1: No, it's not the falling. It's the sucking. We just gotta prevent the sucking. As long as it's not sucking it's not gonna be falling.

Guy 2: Yeah that works dude.

In progress...

Guy 1: That's what I'm talking about

Guy 2: It's really sweating now

Guy 1: It's in nice now I think.

Guy 2: Good, I thought it was gonna be a tough one.

Guy 1: There it is. There it is!

He finishes...

Guy 1: Look at that!

Guy 2: Nice

Guy 1: No more sucking!

Guy 2: That'll be real good.

Guy 1: Yeah, I told you...no sucking, no falling.

Girl Talk

2008-07-03T18:27:00.004-05:00

So I was listening to my new favorite NPR show The Bryant Park Project last week (which was designed to be and clearly comes across as a morning show for people in their 20s). Apparently it started last fall with Allison Stewart (I'm sure I'm not the only one to remember her from MTV news) and Luke Burbank (he guest panelists on WaitWait every now and then). But the internets say he quickly left, then Rachel Martin was on as co-host, making them the first NPR (morning?) show with 2 female hosts. Yay for girls talking.

Then suddenly, Allison popped out a kid so she's on maternity leave; Rachel is apparently onto bigger and better and video-er things. Meanwhile, new(?)/temporary host Mike Pesca did a segment on artist GirlTalk. Then I read about it on PopWatch. Then I downloaded the album.

It's kind of the musical equivalent of the "someone takes drugs" segment in Requiem For A Dream when there are 100+ edits in 15 seconds or whatever it is. It also feels very Stuff White People Like: "I want to hear rappity men do their thing, but over interesting and comforting background beats like Avril Lavigne singing Girlfriend or Ace of Base All That She Wants Is Another Baby." Overall it's really fun though, and could easily be thrown on for an hour at a summer party when someone complains how they want to dance.

TFJ?

2008-07-02T15:12:00.004-05:00

The whole fist-bump as news thing is still really funny to me. But I have to agree with the BPP that ending all of your headlines with question marks is pretty stupid.

Obama over fist bumping?

Fist bump not gone?

Grateful Zombies

2008-07-02T14:16:00.002-05:00

"Dead veterans happy to rock again for Obama"

Um, I think the word Grateful might reduce the ambiguity here lol.

Gay Games

2008-06-30T23:22:00.001-05:00

Apparently I haven't posted here in like 2 months, and instead have been linking things on facebook. Oh well, I'm not sure why/when I'd prefer one over another.

Anyway, this is amusing. Apparently, if you legalize gay marriage, your sports teams do well. I guess I should start making Olympics bets now.

Snap Crackle Pop A Cap In Your Ass

2008-04-16T00:43:00.003-05:00

This is so wrong. Tony The Tiger and other cereal related urbanwear.
*Shoutout to Ava for the punny title

Taxes

2008-04-15T23:36:00.005-05:00

After getting numerous email forwards from my parents of crazyshit their rightwing friends send them (and arguing with my dad against "Barack will be weak") I decided to email them yesterday...

Hi,
I found this non-partisan description of where your taxes go, and I thought you both should read it for 4/15 TaxDay.

http://www.cbpp.org/4-14-08tax.htm

For 2 adults who send and receive email forwards about how high Obama/liberals want your taxes to be, while you are simultaneously wanting a "strong defense," reasonable "social security payments," and presumably some form of Medicare, it doesn't seem to me like you are in a position to claim that high taxes would not go towards things that you deem important.

Think about that next time you get an email that's supposed to scare you into not voting for Obama because of allegedly high taxes.
Scott

Bulls-hit

2008-04-12T17:31:00.007-05:00

A Lutheran, A Mormon, A ?, and An Athiest walk into a basketball game...

Yesterday I went to my first, and presumably last Bulls game. B was given 4 tickets from the big big boss, which was apparently preceded by

Boss: Do you like sports? Specifically basketball?
B: *attempts politically correct answer* Not as much as most people but I wouldn't mind seeing what they are about and learning
Boss: Do you know player x?
B: No?
Boss: Do you know player y?
B: No.
Boss: Do you know Michael Jordan?
B: Yes! We are from the same state!

So gay lawyer B invites his 2 gay science gradstudent friends to the game. Gay Mormon brings 3rd gay science gradstudent, of unknown religion.

And now, my thoughts...

Our tickets were $75 each. Yes, the cost for the 4 of us to see this game was $300. And we were on the 2nd level - there were people with better, more expensive seats below! I can't believe people pay that much money for just 1 game. A hot dog was $5 and a burger was $11, and people were definitely indulging.

Other than the people I was there with, I don't think there was any chance I would know a single person at this game. It's a strange feeling knowing that there is an entire population of people with whom I willingly do not intersect. It's one thing to see them get off at Addison and walk towards Wrigley Field. Another to be there at a Chicago Sporting Event.

The court seemed really small. It looks much more impressive on television. Oh, and I recognized a Bulls player, Mr. Noah, from University of Florida fame! I was quite proud of myself.

Even with the cost of the ticket, you're essentially paying to be advertised to for 2.5 hours. Sure, there's a basketball game going on, but the players are only doing stuff for 48 minutes. So between each level of seats, there is a layer of LED screens (3 layers total) with ads running and changing throughout, like when they all said BudLight during the "BudLight halftime show sponsored by BudLight." Lots and lots of McDonald's advertising. The tweens who throw tiny basketballs into the crowd or shoot rolled up McDonald's tshirts (probably XL) into the crowd, they were wearing McD's bball jerseys. If the Bulls got over 100 points, every ticket holder gets a free big mac (claim within 48 hours), so there was a lot of excitement when the last free throw point was scored. I was also appalled by some TVscreen game where, people had obtained a card from Dunkin' Donuts with a # (just a basic 1 or 2 or 3), and then during a gamebreak, a CGI race occurred between a donut, a cup of coffee, and something else (a bagel? I don't remember). This Dunkin' Donuts race between Dunkin' Donuts labelled products going around a track 3 times was CHEERED ON by people hoping that i.e. Coffee (lane 2) would win, so that they could bring their card with the winning # and get a free coffee&donut on Monday. I guess if you are trained to cheer on the Bulls at home from your TV, cheering on a donut in lane 1 isn't that much different.

People like to be on television. A lot. During every time out or other assorted breaks, songs ranging from "Y.M.C.A." to "Everybody Dance Now" would come on, and the camera would cut to someone dancing for 1-5 seconds. 90% of the time this was met by a face conveying "OHMYGOD I'm on TV!" and a dance showoff/freakout from the adult and/or child for the camera. There was the occassional "oh shit" and hiding head in hands. The teenage chongas and associated stereotypes definitely enjoyed the boob-shaking attention. One cameraman specially recorded people eating, and then would play "guy eats his hotdog" at 4x speed, and we'd all laugh at the fatguy eating.

I think the entire experience is designed for people with ADD. Every second is filled. Time out? Great! Cheerleaders perform on court while someone in the crowd throws a ball at you while you watch the people on TV while the ads flash while you're dancing to the music while eating your hotdog. It's so incredibly excessive. But I guess it's exciting if instead of watching commercials you can watch "Swingin' Seniors" - 20 or so grandparents perform a dance routine to "Hot In Herre"

The entire thing was what I imagine churches to be like. The screens and sounds told you what to do. If it says to chant DE-FENSE, you chant along. If it says to boo and make noise so the other team misses the shot, you make noise. My favorite was a company-sponsored "get loud! louder!" thing on the screen, complete with a decibel-meter. Except, the meter didn't actually measure noise, it just assumed how loud you would get (it happened 3 times, at the exact same rate of noise increase, and stayed around 7.8 units as it faded from the screen and people stopped when it was over). I fundamentally do not understand authoritative unquestioned groupthink mentality. (To be fair, I wouldn't clap along at a Madonna concert just because she told me to)

The basketball players, imo, were not hot. We all agreed one guy with a Polish last name was attractive, although if he was a reasonable height, maybe not. The cheerleaders had, imo, smaller breasts than I expected. I assumed it would be an implantpalooza, but from my view, not so much. It didn't seem like anyone was paying attention to them either, but the other gays assured me that straight men were watching. I wondered, do they have cheerleaders at WNBA games? I suppose the lesbians are already watching the players, so to additionally watch cheerleaders would be excessive. Unless there are male ones, which I highly doubt.

Having said all that, it was my first experience at a sporting event in a major city, and I was impressed to go to a stadium that was accessible by public transportation. I suppose college football stadium was walkable, but I never went to that. Most other sports stadiums I've been to involve driving and parking and walking and herding. This wasn't so bad, relatively. I've also never been to a major soccer or rugby game, but I suppose I'm supposed to like them.

After the game I went to a school social, and had people yell at me when I said I had just come from a Bulls game and didn't understand it. "You went to the game! I'm so jealous! Those are so fun! If it was only like $20 I would go, but I can't spend $75 even to have a good time! You are so lucky!"

Lucky indeed.

Change

2008-03-31T16:35:00.001-05:00

There's some joke in here about 50 Cent changing his mind on Clinton for Obama.

Clearly Fitty beats DMX in the battle for who's paying attention to the primary.

Barack Who?

2008-03-24T21:53:00.003-05:00

I saw a link to this interview with DMX on some TNR blog, but anyway, it's damn funny.

Are you following the presidential race?
Not at all.

You’re not? You know there’s a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there’s Hillary Clinton.
His name is Barack?!

Barack Obama, yeah.
Barack?!

Barack.
What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
Barack Obama?

Yeah.
What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.

You’re telling me you haven’t heard about him before.
I ain’t really paying much attention.

Kosher/Not Kosher

2008-03-24T16:20:00.004-05:00

Before seminar today, Amy informed me that I should skip the lunch-with-speaker after and she would take Bob & me out to "this new kosher restaurant." The place, MetroKlub, was actually pretty good, although it felt kinda vegan since they have no butter, dairy, and for dessert they have "cheesecake." Apparently, kosher lunch is the new big trend.

Meanwhile, Amy ordered her kosher burger medium rare, which I guess is ok. We also tried the peppered beef frye, which is their substitute for bacon.
"Does it taste like bacon?" Amy asked us. It wasn't as smoky, or salty, or delicious, but it was ok. Quite odd to have someone ask you what bacon tastes like.

One of our discussion topics was of course politics, and how we were all disappointed in Spitzer. Last week, on I think the gabfest, E.Baz was going on about how she doesn't want to talk to her kids about this sex stuff which is now all up and through the news. You know what's worse than, presumably, explaining sex-related news to your children, responding to your boss when she says, "Can you believe Patterson gets in office, and then announces that he and his wife had a Ménage à trois?"

That was not a story I wanted to correct her on, especially since she's originally from Jersey. But I explained it was McGreevey, and their aide, and now she's incorrectly convinced he cheated on his wife with her aide. Or something. I'm so not getting into the details of how threesomes work. Not Kosher.

Today's Engrish

2008-03-19T17:43:00.001-05:00

What was meant to be said in seminar...
We got T cells from the blood and the lung, and using microscopy, we looked for nanoclustering of the receptors, shown here with green and red colors becoming yellow.

What I heard in seminar...
We got the T seh from the brahd and rung! We use micuhscuhp and we look fuh nah-nah-crust-ih of receptahs, show here with gleen and led cuh-uhs become lerro.

:)

Bagels

2008-03-10T00:22:00.001-05:00

This week's Mexican dozen total...24!

I think the optimum time seems to be around 4:40 +/- 5-7 minutes. They were out of everything bagels though. :(

Another reason to support Obama

2008-03-09T00:15:00.002-06:00

This is apparently what Hillary supporters in Ohio looked like.

Impaired Hare

2008-03-01T15:15:00.003-06:00

Last night I was out, and overheard someone (who was pretty attractive and built) describing his Paul Frank shirt as "Isn't it cute?!? A rabbit is doing math!"

I wanted to say "that's retarded" but I was informed by Colin that in Illinois (at least in the schools) you can't say "mentally retarded" anymore, but now must say "cognitively impaired."
So yeah, "that's impaired!"

Eric's Favorite Building

2008-02-29T19:34:00.003-06:00

I saw this ad on the L for the Thompson Center "mall." The Thompson Center is, after all, Eric's favorite building.

mmmmmmm "ambience" - it's always the reason I choose where I shop.

Lost In Translation

2008-02-28T18:03:00.003-06:00

While home sick on Monday, I finally watched and enjoyed Lost In Translation. The whole "Lip my stockings!" bit was amazing.

Today at Grand Rounds, one of the presenters was a senior Japanese MD/PhD student. Their talk was on HPV, Cervical Cancer, and the vaccine.

It featured some great engrish moments, including, on one slide, "Does booster necessary?" and on another slide on a patient's history "Sexual Debut - Age 14." The M1s were confused as if this was the standard way to describe when someone lost their virginity, and I said no, it was just lost in translation.

I love Slate

2008-02-24T20:43:00.000-06:00

The Life Cycle of an Internet Meme
Feb. 14: Barack Obama was your new bicycle.
Feb. 16: Hillary Clinton was decidedly not.
Feb. 17: John McCain tried to get in on the joke.
Feb. 17: Ron Paul made it weird.
Feb. 17: Michelle Obama made it annoying.
Feb. 18: Steve Jobs made it jump the shark.
Feb. 19: It all went meta.

(Click the links for links)

Best Surprise Ever! With sparkles!

2008-02-15T17:30:00.003-06:00

4:39pm missed call while at gym from Lili.

4:55pm I return call back at lab. Lili is down the hall and comes to visit!

5:00pm - 5:30pm (highlights)

Lili: Hi!
Me: Hi! Why are you here!
Lili: I had tried to sublease, but the people, they send the check which is false. Or they do not want the credit check. So my husband, he say just pay the rent for 3 months. So I come to take care of that.
Me: Ugh that sucks. How is Boston?
Lili: It is very good! My husband, he drops me off at train station, and I take that to the lab.
Me: Ah. Have you driven around Boston? I'm sure it's crazy.
Lili: Yes! I have seen 5 accidents already!
Me: Yeah, Boston drivers are insane, and I remember they honk at you a lot.
Lili: Many of the street, they are one lane. The speed is 30, if you do not go 40, they will either honk you, or if you cannot increase, they will pass you on left or right!
Me: Ha.

Me: So couldn't you just submit your sublease check by mail? I'm not sure why you came back?
Lili: Well, I also bought the condo [one being built in S Loop] with my husband years ago. I was supposed to close today, but I cannot because of the sparkle system.
Me: What?
Lili: They said the sparkle is not ready. Do you know what the means?
Me: Um, sparkle?
Lili: S-P-A-R-K-L-E .
Me: Is that a brand of security? *googles Sparkle Security*
Me: I don't see it. What did they say the problem was?
Lili: They said the sparkle is not upgraded, so I cannot go inside.
Me: Are you sure it wasn't the sprinkler system?
Lili: What is that?
Me: *points up* The water that comes in on in case of fire. I'm sure if that's not ready and working, they won't let people move in.
Lili: Oh! I know that. Maybe that is what they mean.
Me: *struggles to suppress smile* Probably.

Chili News Network

2008-02-15T15:18:00.003-06:00

Oh good! Here I was thinking we wouldn't have any major campaign news until the Tuesday Wisconsin vote. Silly me.

Clinton campaign gets chili to go

Obama links

2008-02-06T13:11:00.000-06:00

A few people have asked why I'm voting for Obama. Or passive aggressively insinuated I don't have a good reason. So, here are a collection of things I've read, mostly for me to refer back to and copy/paste to others later. (and to be updated whenever I get around to it)

Original Sullivan piece in the Atlantic
Sullivan post-Super Tuesday analysis

The Nation
WSJ Editorial from The Ladies
Obama doesn't take lobbyist money, has no lobbyists working for campaign.

Also,
Obama actually leads pledged delegates.

Nap

2008-02-05T12:46:00.001-06:00

I had to call Lili today to clear up an experimental protocol.

Me: How was the drive?
Lili: Roads were ok.
Me: You got there in a reasonable amount of time?
Lili: We left on Saturday. We drove for 24 hours. We got in on Sunday.
Me: Weren't you tired?
Lili: It was ok. We have to stop somewhere and get some nap!

I miss her!

Oh Bush

2008-01-31T01:05:00.000-06:00

Rep. Barney Frank was on his cell when President Bush passed by and joked, "Tell him I said hello." Later, the openly gay congressman told him it was his boyfriend on the line, reports Matthew Huisman of the Boston University-Washington News Service. "Oh, okay, I hope he appreciates how open-minded I am," Bush said.

From WaitWait panelist Roxanne Roberts

Lili

2008-01-30T21:09:00.000-06:00

It is with great sadness that I announce tomorrow, Jan 31, is Lili's last day in my lab.

We went out to lunch today to Double Li (oh, the serendipity) to say goodbye.

Bob: You really gotta go to Yellowstone National Park. It's great, and it was our first national park.
Me: Hmmm, did Lewis&Clark discover it? Or they didn't go by there?
Bob: No, I think they were much further north.
Me: Lili, you know of Lewis&Clark, who ventured west.
Lili: The gold dig!
Me: Um
Lili: They want the gold!
Bob: It was the gold rush
Lili: Yes, gold rush!

Me: Where have you travelled to in America Lili?
Lili: Arizona, Colorado, Boston, a few other places.
Me: You never made it to Florida?
Lili: No, but I want to go to Miami! And Nine West! I hear it is very beautiful...No, Key West!

Girl, comb your hair!

2008-01-30T21:07:00.000-06:00

I've had a super busy last 10 days or so with lab, but this News&Notes story today just put a big smile on my face.

Push It

2008-01-12T12:44:00.000-06:00

The NYT has an article about which music&playlists work for working out.

Mr. Perine prefers to work out to hip-hop. “Let’s say you’ve done a grueling set of squats,” he said. “You’re out of breath, and L. L. Cool J’s ‘Mama Said Knock You Out’ comes on. Your energy won’t flag.”

Who's Your Daddy?

2008-01-11T17:22:00.001-06:00

BioRad is funny. I wonder how many of these people are actual BioRad scientists?

Yo Lili

2008-01-05T18:30:00.000-06:00

Lili got back from China.

Me: So, does anyone do anything to celebrate American Christmas?
Lili: Some of the children, they got presents.
Me: Oh?
Lili: Yes, they got the toy which is round and moves up and down on string!
Me: A yo-yo?
Lili: Mm hmm. The children played with their yoga toy.

Love her

2007-12-30T15:06:00.000-06:00

This woman is awesome.

Unnecessary quoting

2007-12-26T14:05:00.000-06:00

Macy's. 6th floor. Christmas Crap.
We were card-hunting for the 50% off sale. :)

Mike: These cards are disgusting.
Me: Yes, yes. I'm sure we can find some.
Mike (loudly, so others could and should hear): YOU KNOW, THERE ARE TALENTED IMPOVERISHED ARTISTS OUT THERE BUT THE CARD COMPANIES HAVE TO HIRE THESE MORONS TO MAKE UGLY CARDS
Me: Oh hush! Nobody wants to or needs to hear your opinion.
Mike: *sly smile* Yes they do!

Overheard by me 2 minutes later…
Soccer mom to her mother: …Yeah, none of these are great. That guy was just saying how there could be better cards if the companies hired better artists.

Thanksgiving Leftovers: Parent Videos

2007-12-19T22:13:00.000-06:00

Plans for the day.

My dad asks what we're going to do that day. Then we talk about Tango Sur, and explain how an automatic thermostat works, and go back to Tango Sur discussion

Rubbers Shoes Email.

My dad discusses using his "rubbers" on his shoes. An email interruption. Then my mother talks about shoe shopping, and lastly they argue about what he should wear to dinner, and then argue more when we get back from dinner.

Printer Ice Runway.

I print - my mother freaks. My dad has to "go in ice" so there is drama. Then I explain Project Runway to my mother.

Mickey HeadOn ClarkStreet Survey.

My dad makes a bad joke. Then he says he doesn't need Head On. We argue about "Clark Street" and finally my mother tells Mike what her survey is about.

Austrian Awesomeness

2007-12-19T09:44:00.000-06:00

Mike, for no reason I know of, decided it's time to install Vienna on my MacBook. All of my blogs/RSSs in one! Plus others that I occasionally read -- now all in one space!

I can't decide if this will increase or decrease productivity. Any suggestions on blogrolls/RSSs to add?

I'm sad for America

2007-12-14T13:43:00.000-06:00

The top 10 selling albums of 2007 were named.

1. DAUGHTRY Daughtry
2. KONVICTED Akon
3. THE DUTCHESS Fergie
4. HANNAH MONTANA Soundtrack
5. SOME HEARTS Carrie Underwood
6. ALL THE RIGHT REASONS Nickelback
7. FUTURESEX/LOVESOUNDS Justin Timberlake
8. HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 2 Soundtrack
9. NOW 23 Various Artists
10. MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT Linkin Park

I guess the only people who buy albums are teenagers. Sad, sad America.

Rubbers

2007-12-08T21:48:00.001-06:00

Julian called me today to inform me about a story on rubbers in GQ this month. Hahahaha

Irish Keg

2007-12-07T15:28:00.001-06:00

Me: There's going to be an afterparty for the department party, and the host is getting a keg.
Bob: That sounds fun
Lili: Cake?
Me: Keg
Lili: Do you say cake? or kite?
Me: No keg, it's a unit of measurement for beer. It's a giant metal container.
Lili: Oooooh ooooh! That is a lot.
Me: Ha. Yes.
Lili: How do you spell?
Me: K-E-G.
Lili: Why you want that?
Me: Instead of buying like 100 bottles, you can get one giant container and it's cheaper. Plus, the host is Irish so he likes beer.
Lili: Irish...Irish...Cream!

The Grammys are funny

2007-12-06T12:52:00.000-06:00

What kind of award pits Lily Allen vs. Björk? Or categorizes Lily Allen as alternative? Or thinks Arcade Fire belongs in the same category as either one of them?

ALTERNATIVE MUSIC ALBUM
Alright, Still..., Lily Allen
Neon Bible, Arcade Fire
Volta, Björk
Wincing The Night Away, The Shins
Icky Thump, The White Stripes

More randomness...
FEMALE POP VOCAL PERFORMANCE
"Candyman," Christina Aguilera
"1234," Feist
"Big Girls Don't Cry," Fergie
"Say It Right," Nelly Furtado
"Rehab," Amy Winehouse

And last, for SONG OF THE YEAR, the award for songwriting, they nominated Umbrella. Yes, an award could go to the multiple people it took to write "you can stand under my umbrella ella ella hey hey hey"

Laundry Bitch: The Sequel!

2007-12-04T22:33:00.000-06:00

I go down to put on one load of dark laundry. There are 6 regular washers (1.25/load) and 2 weird european frontloading ones (1.75/load). 5 of 6 regulars are full, 1 has the broken sign on it. Of the 5, 3 have just finished and are at 00, while the other two are at 07 min. After the last drama, and being in no rush, I decide to wait until the 07 minutes are done.

When they have 01 min left, laundry bitch returns in this brown sweater dress and cheap-looking fluffyboots. This time she has brought security in the form of her light-skinned emasculated black boyfriend. She and I give each other the "oh...you" look, while I sit on the broken washing machine, making her uncomfortable while I watch her unload the 3 finished washers, and RELOAD them with 3 new loads.

Meanwhile, her boyfriend is unloading dryers, and she's barking orders to him on where to put the 3 loads she's taking out of the wash.
"I said the 2 rows! Ugh! Do I have to come point!" (they're 2 feet away).
"Put that in the other hamper!"
"Don't use that dryer! It's bad!"

Finally, she walks over to the other 2 washing machines which have finished, and they begin emptying those and putting them in the dryer. As they start, he asks me if I was waiting on a washing machine.

Me: Yes, I would like to use one washer, thanks.
Emasculated boyfriend: We could have let him use one of the first 3?
Laundry bitch: Sean! That's the man who touched our stuff before!
EB: And?
LB: I'm not going to be nice to people who are rude!
EB: *rolls eyes and continues his assignment*

I wait and watch them unload the other 2 washers into dryers, and as they are leaving begin using one of them.

Her total loads done: 2 in dryer before + 5 more going when I got in + 3 new started while I waited = 10 fucking loads of laundry. I guess she was pissed because I, you know, messed up her system last time and prevented her from using EVERY FUCKING WASHING MACHINE at once. Has this bitch not done laundry since the last time I saw her?

Epileptic Gerbils

2007-11-29T12:11:00.001-06:00

Penultimate Animal Class on selecting which animal models to use.

"You know that old expression...you can't get blood out of a turnip. Well a mouse is pretty small, so if you want an animal model for blood analysis, I wouldn't use a mouse."

"Gerbils are particularly prone to epilepsy - don't move around too fast or you'll give them seizures. Depending on what you want to study, gerbils may not be the best model."

Grandma vs. DentistCousin

2007-11-25T01:08:00.000-06:00

Apparently there's drama, so much so that my dad felt the need to ask Mike & me for our opinions.

Part 1: My dad asks Mike what he thinks.

Part 2: My dad now asks me. This includes my new favorite quote ~6 min in
"Let me ask you a question...big deal! So instead of making $2000 a day he makes $1700 a day. Big deal! It's only $300 and it's family. That's what I'm saying!"

Part 3: My dad discusses his chiropractor as an example of giving services for free. Then...back to dentist craziness. And podiatry talk too at the end.

Food

2007-11-25T01:07:00.000-06:00

We discuss potatoes, MSG, and potential restaurants with my parents, over breakfast which Mike made for them.

Keys

2007-11-24T23:47:00.001-06:00

My father and mother try to figure out how to use my spare key to open the lobby door. This is apparently difficult and requires practice.
Notice my father checking out the thermostat every time he can, to convince himself how cold he is inside.

Still Cold Parents: Day5

2007-11-23T16:19:00.001-06:00

Type A Personality

My mother, Mike, and I went shopping this morning while my dad went to the gym. This is the conversation we had while walking home...
Mom: Can we print our boarding passes for tomorrow?
Me: Sure
Mom: Well, we have to do at 24 hours before the flight, that's when we can print it.
Me: What happens if you don't do it right away?
Mom: Well, then we can't get the seats we want. We want to be in the "A" group.
Mike: Which seats do you want?
Mom: Your dad likes to sit in the back?
Mike: Those are the worst seats! Why would you want to sit back there?
Mom: That's where he likes to sit.
Mike: That is the least desirable section. You have to wait in a long line to get off the train.
Mom: He wants to be back there.
Mike: Yes, but nobody else does. You can get on last and still get a seat back there.
Mom: He wants to sit by the window too.
Mike: Yes, and most people want the aisle.
Me: I think you'll be ok if you're in the "B" group.
Mom: Well I'd like to try for "A" anyway.

Opinionated

We got back from shopping and told my dad a story.
Mike: We saw two people wearing Jews for Jesus shirts.
Dad: I would have given them my opinion!
Me: *to Mike* What'd he say?
Mike: *to me* He said he would give them his opinion.
Dad: What'd you say Mike?
Mike: I told him what you said, that you'd give them your opinion.
Dad: I'd give them my opinion!

Still Cold

We went back out to get some food for tonight's dinner. Before we left, my father was cold, with the thermostat, or as he calls it "the thermometer," set at 67. He asked if we could make it warmer. We turned it up to 70.
For dinner, my father has "special" food requirements, meaning he will only eat a burger or a steak. So we got him some ground beef, etc.
We arrive back, and he is sitting on the couch, in sweatpants and a sweatshirt with a blanket covering him. He loudly whispers to my mother about how he's freezing, freezing cold, it's cold, his hands are like ice, and he's never coming here in winter again.

Finicky Parents: Day4

2007-11-22T23:23:00.000-06:00

Rubbers

We were leaving to go up to Steve&Shane's for Thanksgiving. My dad was finding his shoe protector things that he puts on his sneakers to keep them warm and walk in the snow.
Dad: Do you think they'll care if I wear my rubbers?
Me: Huh?
Dad: My rubbers! For my shoes! Will I look weird?
Me: If I say yes, aren't you going to wear them anyway?
Dad: Yes.
Me: Ok. Well then go ahead.

Yes Or No

On the train going up there
Dad: When you're done, are you going to do research?
Me: Why do you often ask yes or no questions, when the answer is somewhere in between?
Dad: It's a simple question!
Me: Well the answer is yes, eventually I'll do research when I finish, but immediately after I finish, probably not. Does that mean I should have said yes or a no?
Dad: Forget it! You live in another world!

Finicky

Mom: I'm excited to meet Shane's dog!
Me: Yes, and Shane took some cute pictures with the dog.
Dad: Is Shane finicky?
Me: What?
Dad: *louder* Is he finicky!
Me: I have no idea what that means.
Mom: Jer, I don't know what you mean either.
Dad: Finicky!
Me: Yes, you said that.
Dad: I knew this beautician, Steve, and he was finicky.
Mom: He cut your hair.
Dad: No he didn't!
Mom: I thought he did.
Dad: No, Val, he didn't. That was someone else
Mom: What was his name?
Dad: I can't remember his name!
Me: Was he finicky too?
Dad: Anyway, Steve, he used to, when I was having my hair cut by...Frank! His name was Frank!
Mom: That's right!
Dad: When I had my hair cut by Frank, he used to stop and tell me to turn around and watch Steve. Steve would drop a comb in some guy's lap, and then reach down and try to grab it and feel around and touch him.
Me: Ok?
Dad: It was a riot. Frank would laugh at Steve and get a kick out of what he did.
Me: Ok?
Dad: So is Shane finicky!?!
Me: I don't understand. Whatever you mean by finicky, I don't think that's Shane.

At the house

My dad got in the house, removed his rubbers, and spent time in the TV room, which was coincidentally the coldest room in the house. He eventually had to ask Steve for a NorthFace jacket to wear around the house. He wore it during dinner, which was in the living room attached to the kitchen, with 30 people and an oven on all day. He complained throughout dinner and after about how it was freezing and he was cold. He had my mother close a window, without asking anyone else for permission, even though it had to be at least 75 if not higher inside.
He also played hide&seek with the children, ages 3-7. None of the kids knew who he was.

You're Out. Parents: Evening3

2007-11-21T23:17:00.000-06:00

We watched Project Runway with them.

5 minutes in...
Dad: Is this show for real? This is so stupid.

10 minutes in...
Dad: You know what's better than this?...Bill O'Reilly!

Übergay Christian: This will be so fierce
Dad: Is that a man?
Me: It's an annoying homosexual
Mom: Haha
Dad: What'd he say?
Mom: He said it's an annoying homosexual
Dad: There's more than one there!

Tim Gunn: Today's fashion icon special guest is...*Sarah Jessica Parker walks out*
Dad: Who's that?
Us: Sarah Jessica Parker!
Dad: Never heard of her
Us: She was on sexy and the city
Dad: Never heard of it
Mom: Jerry, she's married to Matthew Broderick
Dad: Never heard of him!

Heidi Klum: One of you is in, and one of you is out.
Dad: Who cares!

Cue sad music as someone gets kicked off...
Dad: This is so phony!
Me: You watch wrestling!
Dad: It's funny.
Me: Isn't this?
Mike: This is funny.
Mom: This isn't what I thought it would be. I kinda like it.

Watch This. Parents: Day3

2007-11-21T17:04:00.000-06:00

Don't Call Me 5! I'm 4!

Dad: Scott! I want to go try out my shoes indoors somewhere. Where can I go?
Me: You can go down to the parking garage. Take the elevator to P.
Dad: B?
Me: P. For parking garage. There are all numbers and one letter.
Dad: And that's warm?
Me: If you mean, is it indoors, the answer is yes.
Dad: Ok, I have the keys. I'll be back.
5 minutes later, a knock at the door.
Dad: Why did you tell me wrong! The garage wasn't indoors.
Me: *sigh* where did you go?
Dad: I walked by the laundry!
Me: That's one, not P.
Dad: That's where the elevator went!
Me: Stop blaming other people and other things. You didn't go to P. And why didn't you just come in?
Dad: I couldn't get the keys to work.
Me: Ok
Dad: Why didn't the elevator work?!? I had to come up the stairs!
Me: You mean, 'Scott, can you show me how to use the elevator?'
Dad: Val! I gotta go down again and try these shoes. What should I do if I can't get back up?
Mom: Jer, why don't you take the cell phone and call us.
Dad: Ok, Val, gimme a pen and paper. Scott what's your home #
Me: Aren't you taking the cell?
Dad: Yes
Me: Isn't my cell phone programmed in there?
Dad: Just gimme the #
Mom: Scott, we don't know how to do that
Me: Ok, well gimme the phone and I'll do it
Dad: Scott just gimme the #! I have to go!
Me: You are not in a rush. I'm not giving you the number.
Dad: Val! Tell him to give me the #!
Mom: Scott just give him the # so he can write it down if he wants to.
Me: No, he can stop acting like a 5 year old.
Dad: *throws down paper and pen* Forget it! Val! I'm leaving! If I'm not back in 15 minutes, come looking for me! I may be lost or dead!

Pick Up

My dad is still convinced he's unable to travel the 2 blocks it takes to walk to and from the train tomorrow. He was hoping Steve's parents would have a car and be able to pick them up.
Dad: Where is their place that they're staying?
Me: Why do you ask?
Dad: Where is their place Scott?
Me: I can't answer that appropriately unless I know what you are asking.
Dad: This is ridiculous!
Me: What are you really trying to ask?
Dad: I'm trying to find out if they're staying in the same place, and where it is.
Me: No it's not. You need to have mom translate for you.
Dad: Val! I want to know where they are staying.
Me: Does he want to know general information? Or is he trying to find out something else.
Mom: Well Jer, what do you want to know?
Dad: *exasperation* Where is their place!
Me: Yes, and I can answer that question better if I know why he's asking.
Mom: Why does that matter Scott?
Me: I believe he wants to know if they could pick you up tomorrow morning.
Mom: Is that what you want to know Jer?
Dad: That was my second question!
Me: Then shouldn't the question just be "are they staying close enough to pick us up?" Why are you bothering to ask me all of this other stuff when the answer means nothing to you? If I say River North, that's meaningless
Mom: He's right Jer.
Dad: How far away are they!
Me: Yes, they are staying close enough to pick you up, if they have a car.
Dad: How many minutes away?
Me: Probably 10.
Dad: They should pick us up!

CTA

We get on the brownline to go return shoes. We get separated, and my dad asks where we're getting off. I tell him Sedgwick. A few stops later, the train is full.
Dad: Scott are we there?
Me: Almost. One more stop.
Dad: *across train, over ~10 people* Val! Next stop!
Me: You didn't tell her?!?
Dad: I thought you did.
Me: I wasn't near her.
We get off the train and start walking.
Dad: Val, do you know what would you have done if you didn't get off the train with us?
Mom: I would have gotten off at the next stop, turned around, and come back on the next train to you.
Dad: No, you should have gotten off at the next stop and waited for us to come find you!
Me: Why are you discussing this? I wasn't letting either of you not get off the train.
Dad: It's important to plan ahead!

Friends

After shoe return, we take a bus to the MCA. My parents met some of my friends last night. Then we discussed them while waiting for the bus.
Mom: Who was the one with the curly hair?
Me: Yalda
Mom: She was very pretty, a very pretty face.
Me: Yes.
Dad: Does she have a boyfriend?
Me: Yes
Dad: Where's she from?
Me: California
Dad: No, where's she from!
Me: She's Iranian.
Mom: And who was the other girl, with straight hair?
Me: Irene.
Dad: She's from Iran too?
Me: No, I said Irene, not Iran.
Dad: Does she have a boyfriend?
Me: No.
Mom: She was pretty too.

Bus, Other Bus

Also while waiting for the bus
Mom: Scott, do we want a particular bus that stops here?
Me: See that sign up there? That tells you it's a bus stop. And do you see how there is only one # listed? That means only one bus stops here.
Dad: So that's the bus we want?
Me: Ugh, yes, obviously.
We wait, looking in the distance.
Dad: I see a bus! Scott, is that the bus?
Me: That is a bus, yes.
Dad: Is that the bus?
Me: No, it's not the bus.
It comes closer.
Dad: Scott, that's a bus! You were wrong!
Me: I said it was a bus. What are you talking about?
Dad: You said only one bus stops here!
Me: That bus is not stopping here. It is not a city bus. It is some other bus that happens to be driving on this street.
Dad: So where is our bus?
Me: Not here

MCA

We get to the MCA.
Dad: When are we going to dinner?
Me: What?
Dad: I need to go home before we go to dinner. I'm drenched! I'm soaked! My shirt is soaking wet!
Me: Ok, then we'll go home before we go to dinner.
My dad goes through the entire Rock&Roll in the 60s-70s exhibit in like 10 minutes. My mother goes through and says thinks like "ooh, Detroit" about the art. As I had already seen it multiple times, I kept sitting and yawning after them exhausting me all day.
Dad: Are you bored?
Me: No, I can entertain myself just fine.
Dad: You're yawning! You need sleep! Are you tired!
Me: No, I'm ok. *walks away*
Five minutes later, I see them both again.
Mom: Dad said you're bored and ready to go.
Me: What?!? I never said that! *yawns again*
Dad: Val he's yawning! You are tired!
Me: I'm ok
Dad: Why are you so tired?
Me: You are making me tired!

Cold & Irrelevant

At dinner, my dad finally asks Mike something that had been bugging him. My dad had convinced himself that last year, Mike's dad said "I was going to go visit a friend in the Arctic, but they told me I'm not allowed to go because my blood can't handle it." He asked me about it the other day, and now he asked Mike.
Dad: Mike, didn't your dad say he was gonna go to the Arctic, but his blood was too thin?
Mike: My dad never said that.
Dad: He said he was going to go somewhere cold, but he couldn't go.
Mike: He has a friend who lives in Norway, but I doubt he would go visit his friend during the winter.
Dad: Why not?
Me: Does anyone want to go to Norway in winter?
Mom: Jerry, it's cold!
Mike: It's Norway in winter. It's dark almost the whole time.
Dad: Let me give you an example. In the Northwest Territories, it's dark the whole day during winter.
Me: ...Ok.
Mike: ...Yes?
Me: That is a true statement.
Dad: What is?
Me: The Northwest Territories have dark days in winter. That is true, but irrelevant.
Mike: It's like that game, true false or irrelevant?

Watch This

After dinner, on the train going home...
Dad: *whispers* Val, watch this. Scott!
Me: Uh huh.
Dad: Scott, why didn't you ask the waiter if he wanted to open a Greek restaurant in Phoenix.
Me: Why would I want to ask him something that's not funny?
Dad: I thought it was funny!
Mike: Isn't the question why would you ask that?
Dad: Why not!
Mom: To be goofy Scott

Gothic

Me sitting in my room working on this post, mother comes in to talk to me.
Mom: Scott, have you ever seen NCIS?
Me: Never heard of it?
Mom: You would like it. There's a guy who's an old pro. There's another guy, and he's new, so they call him Proby. Then there's a girl. She works in the lab. She's Gothic. She wears skull necklaces.
Me: Do you mean Goth?
Mom: Huh? Oh! Hahaha! I guess that's what I mean. She wears those necklaces, and she has tattoos. She's good. I like the investigative shows.
Me: Ok.

Shoes in the Square: Day3 Morning

2007-11-21T10:48:00.000-06:00

Shoes in the Square
The shoes from yesterday, when tried on this morning, no longer fit correctly. He thinks he needs another size, so they decide to find another location of Fleet Feet.
Dad: You got a yellow pages?
Me: No, of course not
Dad: Who doesn't have a yellow pages?
Mike: People don't use that. We look that up online.
Mom: Jer, they can use the computer.
Dad: Fine! Look up where else we can go!
Mom: *looks* It says there is one in Lincoln Square
Dad: Where is lincoln square?
Me: Is that what you want to ask?
Dad: Yes, where is lincoln square!
Me: Isn't the question "can we get to lincoln square by public transportation?"
Dad: *loud sigh* No! Where is lincoln square!
Me: Fine, it's just west of andersonville. Was that helpful?
Dad: I don't know what that means!
Me: I know that, which is why I said it was the wrong question.
Dad: Well how far is it?
Me: You mean, how long would it take to get there?
Dad: Is it far!?!
Me: If it's too far or takes too long, aren't you still gonna go?
Dad: Yes!
Me: Ok, well then I would argue the only thing that matters is how many blocks the store is from the station. That's all you care about. You need to look that up on google maps.
Mom: I'm on mapquest!
Me: Ok, well use google maps.
...
Mom: Jer come look! It doesn't look far. The M is for the train station, but the green arrow is for the store. It's on Lincoln Avenue.
Dad: It's raining!

Vitamin Crazy. Parents: Day2

2007-11-20T23:07:00.000-06:00

Bedfeet

My dad is sleeping on an air mattress, the same one he slept on last year. He had a question for me when he got up.
Dad: Scott. Question. Is that the same mattress as last year?
Me: Yes.
Dad: It's not different?
Me: No.
Dad: Ok. Can you try to explain something? Last year, it was long enough. But this year, my feet hang over the edge.
*pauses for 5-10 seconds*
Dad: Do you know why that is?
Me: Were you sleeping at an angle last year?
Dad: I did last night too!
Me: Ok, it's one of 2 things. Either you slept at a better angle last year, or you don't remember last year very accurately.
Dad: My memory is great!
Me: Ok.
Mom: Jerry, did you sleep at a different end of the bed last year? Maybe you were lying at the foot of the bed!
Me: It's an air mattress. Why does that matter?
Mom: It could make a difference!
Dad: Oooh! I know! I went to the chiropractor - maybe I got taller because my spine was adjusted.
Me: I don't think that's it.
Dad: You don't know! It could be!
Me: Ok, it's one of 3 things. I think that we've narrowed it down.

Narrow Range of Temperature

I bring the parents to my school, by the train.
Dad: Scott, it was too cold last night! I needed every blanket.
Me: Ok.
We walk outside to the train.
Dad: Oh is it cold out!
Me: It's 50.
Mom: Jer, I'm not even wearing my hat!
Dad: It's freezing!
Me: No it's not
Dad: Scott, we're not used to this! You don't know my body.
We see a woman walking to get coffee, clearly having left her coat at work, wearing a skirt and professional blouse
Dad: She must be freezing. She's nuts!
Mom: Well, she's used to it.
Me: She's obviously just getting coffee.
Dad: *to her* Aren't you cold?!?
We take the train to school, and get inside a hallway.
Dad: Val! It's way too hot in here!
Mom: They have the heat on Jer.
Me: Don't you like it hot?
Dad: This is way too hot. It's ridiculous. I'm gonna sweat!
We walk around and talk to people, eventually getting on the train to go back to Chinatown.
Dad: *feeling train* I think they got the air conditioning on! That's nuts!
Me: Doesn't that keep the temperature from being too hot?
Dad: Scott, the a/c is on in winter!
Me: You are insane. Every temperature is too hot or too cold. What the hell is an acceptable temperature?!?
Dad: I like Phoenix. It's 110.
Me: How is that not too hot? And the hallway was?
Dad: Scott, you have to understand one thing - I like the heat.

Chinese Food

We went for Spring World $4 lunch special at 1pm. My dad refused to get anything because 1) he was too stuffed from breakfast (Lox Eggs and Onions at 7:30am) and 2) he doesn't like non-breast chicken meat. My mother said the sauce was "really good. really flavorful."

Figuring out the L

After Chinatown, we got on the train to go to some shoe store in Old Town. We take the redline north to North/Clybourn.
Dad: Is this our train?
Me: Only one train comes here.
Dad: So this is it?
Me: If only one train comes here, and a train is here, what do you think?
Dad: Scott! I just asked a question!
We board.
Dad: What stop did we get on at?
Me: We're going to North and Clybourn.
Dad: Ok. Where did we get on? *looks up at stop listing*
Me: Chinatown
Dad: That's 6 stops!
Me: No, it's 10.
Dad: Let's see...how many to North/Claybourn. Roosevelt that's one...Clark/Division that's 9, ok 10 stops to North/Claybourn!
Me: That's what I said.
Dad: How long will it take?
Me: About 20 minutes.
Mom: *looks at watch* really?
Me: Yup
Dad: Ok Val, that's 20 minutes to north and claybourn.
...
Announcement: This is Grand and State.
Dad: Chicago's next! 3 more stops Val!
Announcement: This is Chicago and State.
Dad: 2 more stops Val!
Announcement: This is Clark and Division.
Dad: Scott, what stop do we get off at?
Me: Oh! My! God! You are driving me crazy!
Announcement: This is North and Clybourn.
Mom: Jerry! You said it was Claybourn!
Dad: How long did that take Val?
Mom: *looks at watch* 16 minutes!
Dad: Scott you were wrong!
Me: I said 20 minutes, because if I said 15, you would be annoyed every second after 15 minutes and I'd have to hear about it. So I over-estimated.

How far?

I decided we would go get bagels, and get some lox so we can make lox eggs and onions at home, instead of him going out for it, cause, well, our eggs are better.
Dad: Is the shoe store right here?
Me: No, we're going to get bagels.
Dad: How far is that!
Me: A few blocks that way.
Dad: Where are the shoes?
Me: Back the other way.
Dad: How will we get there!
Me: A bus.
Dad: How long will that take!
Me: A few minutes.
After bagels, we get on the bus.
Dad: What stop will we get off at?
Me: You'll get off when I say to get off.
Dad: How far are we going?
Me: I've already told you.
Dad: How long will it take?
Me: Please stop!
Dad: Are we going too far?
Me: You are being incredibly frustrating!
Dad: I just like to know where I'm going.

Shoes. Let's get some shoes.

My dad tried on shoes for ~20 min while my mother and I went to the grocery store. We came back, and the following antics ensued.
Dad: This shoe is no good.
Mom: How many have you tried Jer?
Dad: 6 or 7. Nothing fits.
Salesman: So what did you say you will be using the shoes for?
Dad: Walking
Salesman: So are you going running? On trails?
Dad: Nah, just for getting around. You got anything for me?
Salesman: I'll go see what else I can find.
...
Salesman: Ok, I have these 3 that I pulled. This one is especially good for walking around but it's not a running shoe.
Dad: I might run in it!
Salesman: I thought you said you didn't need a running shoe.
Dad: Sometimes I use them for running!
Salesman: Ok, well, I have another one here that could be used for both. Try this on.
Dad: *puts them on* It's tight around the middle. Let me try it. *walks around* My foot goes right through it!
Me: Does that mean the shoe is too big or too small?
Dad: Too small!
Me: How can it be too tight around the middle, and yet your foot is able to slide forward and allegedly go right through it?
Dad: Don't tell me how my feet work.
Me: I'm not talking about your feet, I'm talking about physics and logic.
Dad: They were too tight and my foot went through it.
Me: Doesn't that mean you need a bigger size?
Dad: No, my arches won't sit on it right. I have high arches.
Mom: Scott, your dad has high arches. Plus, his left foot is bigger than the right. So if he gets a bigger size, then the right shoe won't fit.
Me: Doesn't that mean he just needs two different sizes?
Mom: Yeah, well, that doesn't work.
After 45 min of this poor salesman's time, and a few different verions of "are you sure you're not gonna open a store in Phoenix?" he had one pair to buy, which they brought up to the register. They were rung up, but the credit card machine line was down, so it took a couple minutes to restart. He was walking around and breathing heavily, giving my mother looks, muttering under his breath, and after 2 whole minutes, gives up.
Dad: Excuse me! Can you hurry up? We have somewhere to be at 4:30!
Me: We're not in a rush. Calm down.
Dad: *evil look* Scott! You have no street smarts.
Me: They can't make the phone line restart any faster.
Dad: I wanna get out of here.
Me: You made them bring you 10+ pairs of shoes, while we waited. If it's anyone's turn to have patience, it's yours.

Vitamin Crazy

Typed by Mike
Jerry: I need Gatorade. I thought a sports person like Scott would have Gatorade in the house. I always have Gatorade. I need vitamins and potassium. Gatorade has everything.
Mike: No, I don't know anyone who always has it around. I do know a lot of people who like vitaminwater though. Not all the time, of course. Have you had vitaminwater?
Jerry: No.
Mike: Have you heard of vitaminwater?
Val: Scott said earlier he offered some to Jer but we didn't know what it was and Scott said you had some.
Mike: Here, I think we have some. *finds the random bottle or two of flavors we don't like from the retreat*
Val: Oh look they have some. Jerry did you see this?
Jerry: What's in it.
Val: Let me find my reading glasses.
Jerry: It will say how much potassium it has. I need potassium.
Val: It says 10%.
Jerry: Gatorade has a ton of potassium it has everything I need. Scott's going to get me some Gatorade at the store.
Mike: The vitaminwaters have different things. Which one are you looking at?
Val: Oh it says… power-c. Oh. It must have vitamin c. *looks*. Jerry, this one has a lot of vitamin c.
Jerry: I took my vitamin c today I took three pills 1500 milligrams. I took my vitamin c.
Mike: and promptly peed it out.
Val: The other one says potassium.
Jerry: How much potassium?
Val: I don't know
Jerry: It says! right on the bottle!
Val: I'm looking.
Jerry: It says! Look for it it says how much potassium.
Val: Oh right here it is.
Mike: You see how they're different.
Jerry: Scott's getting me some Gatorade. You guys don't have gatorade in the house.
Val: Here it has __ potassium. Oh but Jerry you know what, it says it's reverse osmosis water.
Jerry: I can't have reverse osmosis!!
Mike: Excuse me?
Jerry: R-O water I can't have
Val: that's right, it… he has—
Jerry: I get heartburn. Acid reflux.
Val: that's right. From the R-O water. Because—
Mike: That is absurd.
Jerry: what do you mean?
Mike: It's water. You cannot possibly have a problem with a common and reliable filtration technique.
Val: He does.
Jerry: I get heartburn! They say, it's proven, that reverse osmosis… makes the water acidic.
Mike: Even if so, relative to other water. But you drink gatorade! Do you know what vitamin C is? Ascorbic acid.
Val: it's true you can give Jerry some water and he will say later, I think it was that reverse osmosis, I have heartburn now.
Jerry: It's acidic!
Mike: Not nearly as acidic as any of your precious Gatorade.
Jerry: I get terrible heartburn. From the water.
Mike: No you don't, that's ridiculous. It's water, that is impossible.
Val: Everyone is different.
Mike: No, not when it comes to water filtration. That's physically, chemically, impossible.
Jerry: I know the R-O water gives me heartburn.
Mike: Fine. Oh look Scott's back with the gatorade, just in time.

Infinite Loop: Parents Day 1

2007-11-19T23:05:00.000-06:00

Here are today's topics...they sound like song names on an album lol.

Arrival Gifts

They walked in about 7pm.
Dad: Your door is open!
Me: Yes, it was not fully shut. I knew you were coming.
Dad: That's not safe!
Me: It's fine.
They trample through with their shoes on, rolling the suitcases and messing up the rugs.
Me: Remember we take our shoes off?
Mom: Yes we know.
Dad: *whispering* Val...cold...what do I do?
Mom: *whispering* You ask him!
Dad: Scott! Can I walk around in shoes? I just bought them at that shoe store. They aren't dirty.
Me: There's this thing called slippers. Do you not have them?
Dad: Can I borrow some!
Me: Sure.
My mother unpacks all of the gifts for us, immediately, while Mike was putting our soup in bowls to eat. We get 2 free orange athletic hats, a medium and a large free asics shirt, a box of chocolate covered macadamia nuts that someone gave them ("you like fancy and exotic things!"), a fleece blanket ("in case your guests are cold because you didn't have enough blankets last year"), and a "Spirit of America" LunaCandle (came as a free sample) that she wasn't sure if she could give it to Steve&Shane for a hostess gift.

Light up your life with a color changing candle powered by Luna Candle. Enjoy the experience of this exclusive and unique technology.
Our Candles create instant ambiance and atmosphere in any room of a home, restaurant, bar, nightclub, spa or boutique.
Warmth, style, romance, and spirit – experience the Luna Candle Difference.

We suggested no on the candle gift.
Me: Is dad eating?
Mom: He had food at the airport.
Me: When you got here?
Dad: At 12! Before we left.
Me: That's your meal for the day?
Dad: No! I had breakfast!

Weather, Weather Channel, Tivo

Dad: Scott I wanna get the weather! How do I turn the TV on?
Me: Can you wait till after dinner?
Dad: No! I have to find out if it's gonna snow on Thursday.
I turn on the TV and we sit down for dinner. My dad interrupts 4 times to ask how to change the channels, and what kind of cable and tv we have because of our mythtv. He's very confused. This is all amidst shouts of "lousy!" (ESPN), "oh crap!" (Weather Channel), "stupid!" (FoxNews)

Obama, Politics, and FoxNews

Dad: Did you watch the convention?
Us: That's in 2008?
Dad: You know, the debate?
Us: There have been like 47 debates.
Dad: The last Democratic one!
Us: Not really.
Dad: Who do you want to win?
Us: We both like Obama
Dad: Did you read about him?
Us: Not some email forward crap. What are you referring to?
Dad: He's a Muslim!
Us: No, not really.
Dad: He was born Muslim!
Us: Nope, also not true. Let me guess...you're gonna say he went to a madrassa?
Dad: I wasn't gonna say that!
Us: That's the only part that's kinda true.
Dad: Which Republican do you like?
Us: None.
Dad: Do you like Huckabee?
Us: Nope
Dad: How about McCain?
Us: Nope
Dad: Giuliani?!?
Us: Nope. We said none.
Dad: So you like Hillary?
Us: We're not brainwashed by watching FoxNews all day and hearing how Hillary is evil.
Dad: I didn't say she's evil!
Us: Ok. Well FoxNews does.
Dad: That is true. FoxNews is Republican and CNN is Democrat and CNBC is very liberal.

Breakfast

Mom: What do you have for breakfast?
Me: A bunch of things. Lots of fresh local eggs.
Dad: Can I go get something to eat at that Jewish deli at 6am?
Me: Um, ok.
Dad: Are they open?
Me: *checks* they open at 7:30.
Dad: And they're a deli?!?
Me: Yes.
Dad: Alright, I wanna get my lox eggs and onions.
Me: We can make food here.
Dad: You won't be up early enough!

Infinite Loop

Dad: It's going to snow on Thursday, is there any other way we can get up to Steve&Shane's?
Me: There's a bus and a train.
Dad: Well how much are we outside?
Me: 2 blocks to walk to the train.
Dad: That's far! How close is the bus?
Me: Half a block. But you may have to wait 5 minutes.
Dad: That's too long! How much is a cab?
Me: $20
Dad: That's too expensive. How much is the train?
Me: $2, or less if you get a pass. But you have to walk to it.
Dad: What am I supposed to do if it's cold?!?

It's Early Morning and One Person Is Awake

Dad: You know, we know this one guy, he goes to bed at 7pm, and he's up at 3 every morning having a cup of coffee on his porch.
Me: That's crazy.
Dad: Yeah, people in Arizona get up early!
Mike: people?
Dad: Yeah, he'll be on his porch and he has like 5 or 6 friends come over and they have coffee.
Mike: Didn't you just say it was only one person?

The Mattress and The Feet

I blow up the air mattress for my dad at ~10pm with the pummp. My mother sleeps on the black folddown Chiasso couch.
Dad: That's wild!
Me: Ok.
Dad: Is that the same thing I had last year?
Me: Yes.
Dad: Ok, are we going to put it in the same place we had it last year?
Me: I don't remember last year. I know it was in the middle of the floor.

I obtain the sheets and blankets.
Dad: Val! Which blanket did I have last year?
Mom: I think this one Jer.
Dad: Are you sure? I had one for my feet.
Mom: Ok, well try it.
He gets in bed, laying the blankets down.
Dad: No, this isn't on my feet right. Can you try the other one?
Mom: Ok. *rearranges blanket for him, while he lies in bed*
Dad: Yes! That was the one I had last year. Oh is that good for my toes!

The City at Night

Mike and I decide to go get their 5day CTA cards at Jewel at 10:15. We call to make sure that they have them. Then we go put our shoes on, and tell them what they are doing as they lie in the living room in the dark.
Us: We're going to get your train cards
Mom: It's late!
Dad: Where are you going?
Us: The store
Mom: How far is that!
Dad: How long does that take?
Us: A few blocks. 15 minutes
Mom: I will give you money!
Dad: That's a bad neighborhood.
Us: Fine, thank you. No, it's not.
Dad: Isn't it cold out?
Us: No, it's not.
Dad: Are they open?
Us: Yes, we called.
Mom: So you both are going to walk there now?
Us: Yes!

Fizzled Out

2007-11-15T11:21:00.000-06:00

Animal Class: Euthanasia

What does euthanasia mean? Let's see what Webster's has to say...

An important parameter is reliability - if you have to do a physical method, like cervical dyslocation, and you're having a bad coffee day so you have the shakes, you might not always fully kill the animal.

It should also be irreversible - you don't want the rats chewing out of the bag the next day.

You should only use compressed gas when euthanizing with CO2. In the past people have used dry ice but that just freezer burns the mice. People have also used alka seltzer, you know the plop plop fizz fizz, but that's not enough CO2 concentration to kill them.

There's a special microwave with a focused beam that goes right to their head while they're in a restraint. Don't put your popcorn in here though!

Academic Exercise

2007-11-14T17:33:00.000-06:00

(typed phonetically from what I heard)

Lili: Do you know...Million Dollar Baby?
Bob: Yeah
Lili: They have accent.
Bob: Ok
Lili: Where is it from?
Bob: I saw it so long ago, I don't remember. *looks up youtube trailer*
Lili: Yes that's it!
Bob: That's a hillbilly accent
Lili: Heh-buffy?
Bob: Hillbilly. It's like a southern accent
Lili: Hirr-billy?
Bob: Yes, hillbilly.
Lili: How is it different from the south? Is it more east?
Bob: It's more in the mountains I'd say
Lili: So she has to act that she has accent!
Bob: Yeah
Lili: Oh ok.

Lili: How about Frest Gum?
Bob: Forrest Gump?
Lili: Yeah. He probably has a thousand accent!
Bob: That's also a Southern accent. Those aren't really sophisticated Southern accents.
Lili: What is so-phis-ti-ca-ted?
Bob: I don't think I can do that accent.

Lili: I also like Clint Eastwood. When he was young he played a lot of cobweb!
Bob: Yes. He played cowboys.
Lili: And this film, he won the Oscar for directing.
Bob: Yup.
Lili: It seems his film is very successful academically!
Bob: What?
Lili: Didn't he win the Oscar? That is award for good academics?
Bob: No! That's the Academy Award. From the Academy of Motion Pictures
Lili: I thought that was Academic Award! Hehehe!

Prequel Prelude

2007-11-13T21:45:00.000-06:00

1:28:06 AM Mike: the correct word for your blogpost is "prelude" or "prologue"
1:28:22 AM Mike: not that abominable star wars movie word

I called my parents today to make sure everything was ok and to remind them to bring old pictures of me. We discussed shoes. Again. Notice how they learned some medical words and throw them around to seem like my dad has a good excuse.

Mom: Your dad has something to say.
Dad: Just tell him Val.
Mom: Jerry! It's your thing to say!
Dad: Fine.
Dad: I have no shoes. The only shoes I have are mesh sneakers. They are for hot weather. I have no shoes for chicago. I can't wear my sneakers in Chicago - I tried wearing them here and my feet were freezing. They were like ice! All the leather shoes I've tried don't fit. I can't come with no shoes! My feet will be freezing.
Me: Ok?
Dad: Scott! I can't wear my sneakers! There's a store having a grand opening near us. We're going at 7am so that we can try to find shoes. *sigh* I have the same problem as my mother. She had horrible feet.
Mom: Scott, there's this store from San Diego. We are going to the grand opening because we are premium members. We're gonna go early and try and find shoes.
Dad: They say to try on shoes at the end of the day when you've been walking. I can't do that. I've tried that. When I put the shoes on the next morning, my feet are killing me!
Me: So wait...your feet are bigger in the morning or the evening?
Dad: I have flexible arches! They can be different every day. Shoes can be good one time and bad another. The doctor has looked at my arches!
Mom: Scott, your dad has tried many different shoes. You know this.
Dad: Just like my mother!
Mom: He has some shoes that he can't even wear them for softball. But they're ok for a walk or the movies or whatever.
Me: Wouldn't you just get arch supports for when your arches are then lower?
Dad: I can't wear them. The doctor says I get plantar fascitis lumps. I tried them. I wore them for 2 weeks and I was in pain!
Mom: Your dad sometimes pronates when he walks and the arches make it worse.
Me: So, of course your feet will be in pain if you wear the same support for 2 weeks when your arches vary. I'm just saying, if your arches vary, wouldn't you have supports for different arch states, and use them accordingly?
Dad: Do you have $1000?!?!
Mom: Your dad says it doesn't work like that.
Me: Ok. I'm done trying to apply logic.
Dad: Scott, my feet are swollen! They're swollen! They're swollen right now!

Mom: Are we gonna have that party [where your friends hang out with us] again?
Me: Yes.
Dad: You gonna have the opera guy?
Me: Maybe. I don't know who's around yet.
Dad: How about the amazon guy - the one who went down the amazon?
Me: You'll see when you get here.
Dad: The indian guy?
Mom: Jerry! He said you'll see when you get there!

Me: So when do you get in?
Mom: The flight lands at 6:10pm
Dad: I'm eating dinner at the airport!
Mom: Jerry, we haven't decided that yet.
Dad: I can't eat too late! That's too late!
Mom: Well, maybe Mike can cook some of his delicious Italian food or something.
Me: Mike is happy to cook for you at any normal time.
Dad: What's normal!
Mom: Scott, you don't have to say what's normal
Dad: What's normal!
Me: 4 is not normal
Mom: Scott, people eat at different times. Restaurants are open then, so people can eat whenever they want. Today we had a show at 7. We got to the restaurant first at quarter to 5.
Dad: What's normal!
Me: Um, let's say 5-8.
Mom: That's fair.
Dad: I'm normal!!

Fantastic

2007-11-12T14:05:00.001-06:00

Today's seminar was by this fabulous woman, Australian by birth but has lived in England for ~30 years. She reminded me of Eddie from AbFab, with her big black boots and large necklace, using the word "fantastic" to describe everything. She also kept referring to "squillions" of dollars, but I've yet to figure out if that means a lot or a little.

"My sister lives on this island between Tasmania and Australia. They have only 2 kinds of animals. This mutton bird, and a giant tiger snake, 4 times the size of a normal snake. And of course it's all black - there are no stripes on it! It's bloody ridiculous!"

"So what is Chicago famous for? What does the city do?"
- "Business?"
"Do you all still build cars?"
- "Um, no, that's Detroit"
"Ah right then! But Chicago is big?"
- "We're the third largest city in America, by population. Los Angeles is obviously the biggest by land size"
"That's right isn't it? You know, I've been to Los Angeles, but I never really found it. Know what I mean?"

That's What She Said

2007-11-08T09:49:00.000-06:00

Animal Class. Topic: Aseptic Technique

If you're going to implant something, make sure it's sterile, otherwise you're giving them a bunch of bacteria and closing them off.

If you go over to the animal facilities, and start walking around, someone will ask you to leave! We want traffic flow to a minimum

If my cat was sick, and then i walked into the OR in my street clothes, that's not a good idea. So we use scrubs.

And a sort of top 10 innuendo/That's What She Said one-liners on various aspects of aspetic technique...

*We don't like wood cause it isn't easy to sterilize. Wood in the OR is not a good idea.
*You put your instrument in, it only needs for about 10-15 seconds.
*When you put it in, make sure it isn't all gooey first.
*You wanna clip a wide margin, you don't want any hair in the way.
*Position them so they're still, it's hard to hit a moving target.
*When you're peeling, the thing in the middle pops out. Then another person can grab it.
*Once you start this process, you don't wanna touch anything else.
*Start with your fingers, cause those are gonna be inside. Do 5-10 strokes for each finger.
*It's great to practice on something that doesn't need to recover, just so you get an idea of what you're doing
*You don't want things too tight.
*Be gentle, these are living tissues.

It's A Large World

2007-11-05T10:06:00.001-06:00

Yay for WaitWait informing me that America is too fat and thus It's A Small World has to be refurbished so the boats don't scrape the bottom.

Quotes of the Weekend

2007-11-04T10:51:00.000-06:00

Friday night, 3:30am, redline southbound.
Black 18-24 year old male, as gay as you can get without being a tranny. After singing Dreamgirls with his friend, says...
"You know what's a good song, the transvestite song from Rent. She be all 'Today for you! Tomorrow for me!' But realistically, how many trannies you know bouncing around banging on shit?"

Saturday night, 12:30am, walking north on Halsted around Cornelia.
Black ~30 year old male standing outside on the street sees Mike&I walking, holding hands.
"Awwww y'all two is cute! Who pee in who booty?"

Better Late Than Never

2007-11-01T23:52:00.000-05:00

How am I just now discovering this band/artist/black woman?

I heard about them on EW, among other artists, and found this video. I'm in love.

Obviously Bad

2007-11-01T11:09:00.000-05:00

Animal Class. Today's topic: Anesthetics and Analgesics

The environment can have an effect on your animals. Think about it, if you were crammed in coach for days and days, and then moved to first class, you would be different too.

You don't wanna rest your surgical tools on the animal's chest cause it's not gonna be able to breathe. It's only 25g! Ha!

Hypothermia is a serious problem, and some people try to warm cold animals up quickly with a heat lamp. Don't put it right on them because you're gonna roast them! Hehehe. Heat lamps should be at least 3 feet away.

Obviously if the mouse wants to keep rolling over, he's not adequately anesthetized yet!

You don't want circulatory or respiratory failure. It's really hard to do CPR in a mouse! *pauses for nonexistent laughter*

You can check certain reflexes when anesthetizing. If you can touch their cornea and they don't blink...they're dead. That's obviously bad.

Happy Hallo-wed

2007-10-31T11:10:00.001-05:00

I walk in this morning after saying yesterday that I would dress up.

Lili: You don't have costume!
Me: Yes I do. Hold on. *takes off jacket*
Lili: Oh! You have tie!
Me: Yes. Do you watch The Office?
Lili: No what's that?
Me: I'm a character on that TV show named Jim
Lili: Oh! Ok!http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
Me: Let me find a picture. *google image search*
Lili: He was in...do you know the movie...he and his wife, they want to get married, but they have to meet first and do these tasks.
Me: I think I've heard of it. What's it called?
Lili: I do not know the name.

10 minutes later

Lili: I remembered the name! License to the Wed!

Dumb to the core

2007-10-26T21:16:00.000-05:00

I saw this on the satellite TV channel from China at LTH tonight. It's for real

Animal Ethics Ethics

2007-10-25T09:49:00.000-05:00

I did my mandatory online state ethics training during my mandatory animal ethics course this morning.

Today's topic: mouse breeding & colony management.

When the female is in estrus, she's receptive to the male.

I like to wean for 28, not 21 days, they're more well-rounded mice that way

C57/Blacks...they're not the best mothers.

Some people like to put 1M:1F. I don't think it's very productive - there's not enough animals in the cage. Polygamous works much better. 1M:2F and you don't get cages too crowded.
Harem mating: 1M:multiple F. Only do this temporarily.

Sometimes if the mice won't breed, they want some privacy. We cover the cage in a pillow case and that seems to work.

Toe clipping is not allowed unless justified by your animal use protocols.

Here is a clipart photo from the online training:

That Make No Sense

2007-10-24T15:24:00.000-05:00

We got our new md/phd program facebook today. I brought it back to lab, and showed Bob and Lili.

Bob: Wow, Sheila got her BS and BA in biochemistry and drama
Me: Really? That's cool.
Lili: Where is drama?
Bob: What?
Lili: Drama?
Bob: Yeah, like acting
Lili: But her degree...it is biochemistry?
Bob: Yes, she got 2 degrees
Lili: But...how that combine?
Bob: She had 2 majors and got 2 degrees
Lili: That make no sense

Third time's the charm

2007-10-22T17:05:00.000-05:00

From: Monica
Date: October 22, 2007 3:37:58 PM CDT
To: Class List-serv
Subject: OSA Announcement: FREE FLU Vaccinations for Medical Students

FREE FLU VACCINATIONS FOR ALL SIX HEALTH SCIENCES COLLEGES --Tuesday, October 23, 2007-- Room 1130 [Hospital]--Students Must Bring Their ID-Card.

From: Monica
Date: October 22, 2007 4:26:59 PM CDT
To: Class List-serv
Subject: OSA Announcement: FREE FLU Vaccinations for Medical Students

FREE FLU VACCINATIONS FOR ALL SIX HEALTH SCIENCES COLLEGES --Tuesday, October 23, 2007-- 7:00am to 4:30pm--Room 1130 [Hospital]--Students Must Bring Their ID-Card.

From: Monica
Date: October 22, 2007 4:35:18 PM CDT
To: Class List-serv
Subject: OSA Announcement: FREE FLU Vaccinations for Medical Students

FREE FLU VACCINATIONS FOR ALL SIX HEALTH SCIENCES COLLEGES --Tuesday, October 23, 2007-- 7:00am to 4:30pm--Room 1130 (1st floor) [Hospital]--Students Must Bring Their ID-Card.

Bunny Burritos

2007-10-18T09:44:00.000-05:00

Basic handling of mice, rats, rabbits

Description of a hepa-filter cage:
I refer to this type of cage as a petri dish. I think most people who work in a lab know what that is, so I use this analogy and like to see a lightbulb go off in the person's head.

Determining the sex of a mouse:
Here's a secret they don't tell you - if you see nipples, it's a female!

A question from a student:
"What's taurine?"
"It's an amino acid"

Describing rats:
Rats don't have tonsils, which is one of the reasons they don't vomit.
Rats recognize voice, odor and touch of specific humans, so they do get to know you.

Restraining rats:
To put the rat in the restraining bag, just hold it by the base of the tail, swing it back and forth until it gets in the bag. You have about a minute before it breaks through.

On rabbits:
Rabbit veins are delicate - they tear easily!
Rabbits require a grass type hay, not an alfalfa type hay. That has too much calcium.
Rabbits - we have these restraints. Either towels or lab coats. We call them bunny burritos.

New word of the day:
Mice and rats are coprophagic - so they eat their feces.
Rabbits are also coprophagic, and they like to eat their vitamin rich feces ("night feces")

Claws and Effect

2007-10-11T09:19:00.000-05:00

Animal Class. Today's homework question:
1. Name five physical factors in the environment that can effect[sic] laboratory animals and thus alter experimental data.

Temperature. "Our staff one 4th of july turned the a/c off over the weekend. If you keep rats at 88degrees for 48 hours, 1/3 of the rats will be dead. And of the surviving males, 25% will be sterile!"

Ventilation. "We have 100% of our air coming in, and 100% going out. We don't want volatile vapors from chemicals affecting them."

Lighting. "Our rodents, especially albino rodents, are sensitive to high light."

Cage material and accessories. "We put in a hut for the animals in one cage. It was all well and good till one of the dominant ones decided it was his hut. That increased all of their natural aggressive behavior."

and Noise (no funny quote).

Also
On biological viruses:
"Pinworms are known to cause rectal prolapse in rodents"

On number of animals needed (for Mike hehe):
"Really, sit down with your statistician, figure out the power you need, and get an accurate number of animals you'll need."

Laundry Bitch

2007-10-07T17:08:00.000-05:00

I go down to put my one load of laundry in the washing machine. All of the machines are full, and 4 of them are finished. I sit there for at least 10 minutes, waiting, and finally decide to just take someone's stuff out of one of the finished ones and put mine in, leaving theirs on top of the machine. I pick the one with dark clothes/low # of bras, and carefully put the clothes on top to bury the bras underneath.

I go down 30 minutes later to get my stuff, and there's a woman about my age, a little chunky, and immediately confrontational, emptying the other washers that had finished at the same time (now probably 45 minutes after they finished).

W: Did you take my stuff out?
Me: Yeah, I waited for over 10 minutes after it had stopped.
W: That's really rude! You shouldn't touch my stuff!
Me: Um, I'm sorry. I waited, nobody came, so I put it on top. It's really not a big deal.
W: I don't like it when people touch my stuff! I could have some weird skin disease or something?
Me: Ok...well, the washers were full, and I waited. People have done it to me if I was late. Whatever.
W: Then you need to go to the management office and ask for a key to another building's laundry room.
Me: It's sunday. They're not there. It's really not a big deal. I apologize.
W: What's your name?!? I'm going to report you to the management office.
Me: Seriously? Calm down.

She puts her things, slowly, from all of the washers, into the dryers while I get my laundry to bring upstairs to the still functional dryer in my apartment. As I'm leaving...
W: Don't touch my things ever again!
Me: Yeah whatever. Have a good day.

CSI

2007-10-07T17:04:00.001-05:00

My new favorite bumper sticker I saw while biking this weekend...

CSI: Christ Saves Individuals.

I can't find it online, so this graphic will do. It was in the same design as the TV show.

The Bomb

2007-10-07T16:53:00.000-05:00

Somehow I frequently end up on the southbound red line car with 6 loud semi-tranny black gay guys from Paris is Burning. Going home friday night, most of what they were saying could not be made out because of the volume and pitch and sass, even though everyone else on the car was laughing. I did manage to catch one snippet where the skinny 16 y/o wearing a pink shirt, white shorts, pink bandana, and a bedazzled drawstring bag was arguing with a 17 y/o seated mini Kenan Thompson.

kenan: You really like him?
skinny guy: Yes!! He is the bomb! Just like Huh-ROE-shih-mah!
kenan: Girl! We are not friens[sic] no more! How you gon' say it like that! It's Hee-roe-SHEE-ma!
skinny guy: Whatever!

That's What She Said. Literally

2007-10-07T16:50:00.001-05:00

I didn't realize how funny the bus could be until the female bus driver of our very full 146 up to boystown after the MCA was making us laugh and act like middle schoolers:

Move to the rear please!
Let these people get off!

This was followed by our own inappropriate jokes:

Tell me when we're close
Let's all get off together
etc.

First Fridays Philosophy

2007-10-07T16:48:00.000-05:00

While walking around First Fridays back patio, I overheard 2 people engaged in deep philosophical discussion

Indian girl: I don't agree with that!
Male probable philosophy grad student: It's not up to you to decide if the universe gets to be! It just is.

Grapes of Laugh

2007-10-05T14:52:00.002-05:00

Lili and I went out to lunch today for Mexican food, and then grabbed some Mexican pastries and brought them back to lab.

Me: So, do you have Mexican food in China?
Lili: No, we do not
Me: How about American food?
Lili: Just the chains. We have McDonalds, and the Ken...tur...key?
Me: What?
Lili: Kenturkey? The chicken place?
Me: Oh! Kentucky Fried Chicken!

Back at lab, we're eating our pastries, and the CSA grapes I brought in.

Bob: I have a joke. How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?
Me: Hmmm...
Lili: Change...a...what?
Bob: Do you know that kind of joke?
Lili: Lightbulb?
Bob: It's a type of joke to make fun of people.
Lili: I don't know change lightbulb
Bob: Ok, well, the answer is, just one, but it takes 7 years and at the end they don't know why they changed it.

Me: Who wants some grapes?
Bob: Oooh! These are concord grapes! I love these!
Lili: Con...crete?
Me: No. Concord grape. It's a type of grape.
Lili: That is the word...when I go to the airport they have A and B and C?
Bob: No, that's concourse. This is just concord, a type of grape.
Lili: Oh! Ok! hehehehehehehe.

Froggy Style

2007-10-04T10:56:00.001-05:00

Today we had a tour of the animal facility!

I got to see turtles, toads, rabbits, rats, baboons, macaques, and dogs. Oh my!

One girl in the class, who normally dresses scandalously, was wearing light blue high heels! She had to put foot covers over her heels! I tried to take a picture of how ridiculous this was, but didn't get a chance to. :-/

We were also told to put on our masks for the monkey rooms, which had a plastic flap above the nose to cover our eyes because "you don't to get spit in your eye, or even worse...well, I won't tell you." [semen]

In the toad room, Senta commented how in one tank, one toad was lying on top of the other in a very humorous manner. I said they were "doing it froggy style" :)

In the macaque room, we all walked in and stood in the center. Everything was fine for a minute until one reached out and grabbed Senta's protective gown and she squealed.

There was also a mean lady who worked there and talked to us like we were 5. "Can you take this mask and put it on? Take a mask...here's your mask! You need a mask."

As we left the rabbits, one of the fob girls in my group was squeeze-waving bye to its face, like we were at the zoo or something.

Oh, and we turned in our lame homework assignment. People were worried about getting the correct answers. For a pass/fail class.

Student Research Seminars 07-08

2007-10-03T15:36:00.000-05:00

Today was first of bi-weekly grad student seminars. We had a lovely message on the board:

1) Presentation 22min ~15 slides
2) Summary 3 min
3) Discussion 5 min
= 30 min MAX
4) What is your question - get to the point!!!
5) What have you done in the past year???

First up was Zongdi. First slide...
Ebola Virus: The Virus That Terrors

Just Say Yes

2007-10-03T13:25:00.000-05:00

Lili: What is meth?
Bob: What?
Lili: I saw on TV, the person has meth, and they take it a lot, they are eventually dying
Bob: It's an upper. It stands for methamphetamine. It makes you fast and up and makes you feel like you can do no wrong
Lili: That is like marijuana?
Bob: No, marijuana is a hallucinogen
Lili: Are they similar to heroine?
Bob: No, heroine is a depressant, the opposite.
Lili: Well cause on the TV, I notice it could be a kind of addiciton thing. They advertise they say there is a methresource .org so I assume it's against the meth. I look up in the dictionary but I couldn't find anything about the meth. How do they take it?
Bob: Sometimes it's called crystal meth.
Lili: They just swallow like a tablet?
Bob: Maybe they smoke it. I'm not too familiar.
Lili: It looks terrible for those kids! They have the meth first, and eventually they are like dying.
Bob: Right, you start seeking the drug more than food or anything else, you don't take care of yourself.
Lili: Wow! See, I have never heard about any of these names when I was in China. I know heroine and I know people can get addiction, but there are so many varieties!

Lili: The problem is, all the kids, there is no person or no way they can contact the drug dealer first. The second thing is there is no way they can get it until they become adult.
Bob: They figure out how to get it anyway.
Lili: But the person who sells to children, they will be sued!
Bob: It's illegal for anyone, children or adult, to use it.
Lili: So, can they be sentenced to death if they sell?
Bob: Not really
Lili: Cause if you are carrying more than let's say 50g, no matter if you are dealer or not, that is not good.
Bob: Well, if you just have an amount for personal use, you will go to jail.
Lili: It seems not normal to want to be tox...toxi...
Bob: Intoxicated?
Lili: Right. In China, people are not.

Lili: Is there any drug that can make you healthy...but still feel good?
Bob: Nope
Lili: We should invent!

Mostly Crazy Val

2007-10-03T12:52:00.000-05:00

Mom: Scott, if we asked you about a report your dad got from the doctor, would you know about it?
Me: Um, maybe. What is it?
Mom: Well, he got something called a CBC
Me: Right
Mom: In the first row, there's something called a PMN. The second row has something called a PLT
Me: Yes, what is the point of this?
Mom: Well, one of the things is different.
Me: Ok, so he got a complete blood count. What are you asking me? Why are you telling me what's in all of the other rows?
Mom: Fine. In one of the rows is something called an MCV. Do you know what that is?
Me: Why are you asking me this?!? What are you actually asking?
Mom: Well for the MCV it says the normal is 78-100. But your dad's was listed as 101, which is outside the normal range listed.
Dad: That's bad isn't it!?!?
Mom: Is that a bad thing? We don't know what MCV is.
Me: Oh my god. It's fine. You are 1 number outside of the normal range.
Dad: I'm over!
Mom: Well what does it mean?
Me: I think it's Median Cell Volume. They look at your cells and see if you have cancer or something by looking at their average size. If it was like 500 or 5000 then maybe that's bad. 101 instead of 100 is fine.
Mom: So they want to see if there is too much blood in the cells?
Me: No, but sure.
Dad: So I'm fine?
Me: Your cell volume is fine. Ugh.